Choose Your Friends Wisely

         Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.” (1 Cor. 15:33)

Karen and I are very careful about the friends we choose. In forty years of marriage, we’ve built close relationships with at least fifty other couples. More than acquaintances, these are people we hang out with and consider our inner circle of friendship.

Out of all those friends, only one couple has divorced. One. That’s extraordinary given the statistics.

The two people who did divorce used to be some of our closest friends. In fact, the husband had a huge influence on me early in my walk with Christ. He was a deeply committed man of God, and I loved him dearly.

But that changed when he took a job in another city and moved his family away.

To be blunt, the man who hired him was extremely ungodly. My friend’s new job kept him busy and prevented him from getting involved in their new church. Worse, it required a lot of travel—usually with the new boss.

An ungodly companion, frequent travel, and diminished church commitment. This was a recipe for disaster.

Several months later, our friends returned for a brief visit. We had them over for dinner, and I thought the man seemed distant and guarded. Karen noticed as well. “I don’t like the way he looks at me,” she said after they left. “I just feel uncomfortable around him.”

She couldn’t put her finger on it, but we knew something was different.

Less than three weeks later, I got a call from his wife in the middle of the afternoon. She was frantic, and crying so hard she could barely talk.

“He’s leaving me,” she said. I heard her children crying in the background. Stunned, I asked to speak to her husband.

“Don’t try to talk me out of it,” he said when he finally came to the phone. His voice was cold and callous as he told me he wasn’t happy because his wife didn’t give him enough sex. He thought he deserved better.

I knew it immediately: pornography. It soon became clear that this man and his boss had been watching porn in their hotel rooms and visiting strip clubs on the road. Influenced by his new work companion, my friend had allowed his mind to become infected with filth.

I tried to help, but by then it was too late. He walked out the door for good, abandoning his wife and children for the worldly pleasures he thought he’d been denied.

We usually think of peer pressure as it relates to our children, but there is no overstating the power it plays in adult lives, too. I often say “If you want to see a person’s future, just look at their friends.” Negative or positive, you become who you hang out with—as an individual and even as a couple.

That’s why Karen and I are so deliberate about the company we allow into our marriage. We choose friends who share our values and priorities. Do you?