A Wife’s Expectations in Marriage

4. A wife needs her husband to be her biggest fan and motivator.

Proverbs 27:17

As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.

We want our spouse to be at their best, so why not be their biggest motivator? Husbands, if your wife has a goal in mind, help her to achieve it.  Challenge her to better herself. Walk alongside her and join her in pursuing her dreams.  Help her find time to study for school if that’s the goal.  Go to the gym with her and keep her motivated if she is trying to get healthier or lose weight.  Friends support each other, and we should do this EVEN MORE as a spouse!

5. A wife needs her husband to foster her strength and health in mind, body, and spirit.

3 John 1:2

Dear friend, I hope all is well with you and that you are as healthy in body as you are strong in spirit.

As best friends and spouses, we want to bring out the very best in each other.  To be at our very best, we must be strong and healthy in mind, body, and spirit.  This means that we should encourage one another to eat right, exercise, learn something new every day, read more, go to church, pray, read our Bibles, and the list goes on.  We aim to help–not hinder–our spouse’s well-being.

6. A wife needs to know that her husband is wildly attracted to her, strongly desires her, and has eyes only for her.

Song of Solomon 2:10

My beloved spoke and said to me, “Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, come with me.”

I have always loved the beautiful and amorous words from the husband and wife of Song of Solomon. They refer to one another as “beloved.” How wonderful is that! Husband, your wife needs to know that she is your one and only beloved. Let her know this with your words and actions. Look the other way when an attractive woman comes running by. Don’t seek out other women online. Resist the temptation to fall into the porn trap. These self-gratifying, self-seeking behaviors will break your wife’s heart and make her feel unloved and unwanted. Instead, tell her how beautiful she is on the inside AND on the outside. Tell her how much you desire her. Tell her she is a great lover. Keep things spicy! Also, be sure to give her physical touch without assuming that it will lead to the bedroom. Be patient, loving, and kind to her, and keep showing her that you want to connect with her mind, body, and soul. Your thriving, sexual, intimate life will greatly enhance your marriage.

7. A wife needs to know that her husband is willing to lay down his very life for her.

John 15:13 (NLT)

There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.

This can be a hard one because we are all selfish by nature.  However, this point might be the most important one of all.  We must love our spouse so much that we are willing to “lay down our life” for them.  Husbands, you may be familiar with Ephesians 5:25, “For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her…” This is often quoted at weddings along with Ephesians 5:24, “As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.”. Although the word “submission” often leaves wives with a bad taste in their mouths, to “submit” and to “give up your life” are different ways of laying down your life for your spouse.  It is about serving your spouse before yourself. Husbands, your wife needs to see you doing this every day both in your words and through your deeds. When both spouses do this consistently, their friendship and marriage will thrive and remain strong.

Husbands, I encourage you to go through this list of expectations/needs with your wife and ask her how you are doing. Ask her if there is anything else she’d like to add to this list. Then, be willing to listen to what she has to say without getting defensive. These conversations can be difficult at first, but the honest truth that you discuss will keep you both connected and lead you both to make lasting improvements that will strengthen your marriage for the many years ahead.