When Karen and I first married, we learned quickly that money was going to be our greatest source of tension. We fought and fought about finances because we both view money differently. To me, money is a source of fun and enjoyment. I love spending money and using it to bless other people. A paycheck meant having a good time. But for Karen, money meant security. While very generous, she is also sensible and pragmatic. Saving for a rainy day... Read more
When it comes to sexual fulfillment in a marriage, one of the first things husbands and wives need to understand is that they are different. If you don’t expect these differences – and learn to deal with them – they can drive you crazy. Our differences are related to the ways men and women connect emotions and sex. For men, sex stimulates our emotions. In other words, we are put in touch with our emotions through sex. If a wife... Read more
What are strong marriages built on? There are few better foundations for a marriage more than a sacrificial spirit — a spirit that enables a husband or wife to look at their spouse and say, “You are more important than me.” Want to protect your marriage against divorce? Put your spouse’s needs ahead of your own. Every great relationship is a sacrificial relationship. Sacrifice is an ancient concept, going all the way back to the ancient Israelites and their relationship... Read more
(Adapted from Jimmy’s newest book, When Life Hurts) Early in our marriage—when Karen and I were struggling and on the brink of divorce—we were mentored by, Kerm and Lou Ethel Albertson, an older couple at our church. They had the kind of marriage we both longed to have. I was jealous of their relationship and wanted to know their secret. We went to dinner with them one night when it was clear Karen and I had been fighting. Kerm... Read more
Words are powerful. That’s why the Bible is full of directives concerning the way we communicate. In Matthew 12:36-37, Jesus warns, “But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgment. For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.” This Scripture surprises a lot of people. Most of us tend to think that, because we use words casually,... Read more
In recent weeks, we’ve discussed skills for healthy communication between husbands and wives. These are: speaking in a caring tone, frequent communication, and intimate communication. Another vital skill is honest communication. An atmosphere of openness and honesty means each partner gives the other permission to pose any question or complaint—no matter how sensitive—without fear or intimidation. I can’t tell you how many times, in a counseling situation, someone struggling in their marriage will open up to me about an important... Read more
Let me start by being as up-front about this as I can: God created sex for pleasure in life-long enjoyment in marriage. God is the one who created sex. God created our genitals. So when you are enjoying the best sex of your life, you need to thank God. When we’re having sex, the devil wants us to believe that God is up in heaven looking down and thinking, “Hey, cut that out.” Sure, it’s okay to have two or... Read more
When people ask me about the causes of divorce, one of the things I always mention is ignorance—otherwise known as a lack of pre-marriage preparation. Ignorance doesn’t just lead to divorce, it increases your chances of failure in anything you do. Karen and I discovered this pretty quickly after we got married. We were only nineteen years old at the time, and neither of us had any pre-marriage counseling. The only counseling I got was from my friends, and their... Read more
(Adapted from Jimmy’s newest book, When Life Hurts) I grew up with a lot of shame and guilt. It came from a number of humiliating experiences in my childhood and early adulthood, and it made me feel like a burden to others. That feeling caused me to become self-dependent—too self-dependent. It was the kind of dependence that came from pride rather than humility, and it impacted my life deeply. Many of the struggles Karen and I experienced early in our... Read more
Here’s a simple truth to live by: Happy, successful families talk. They communicate and work through their problems. On the other hand, dysfunctional families don’t talk, or won’t talk, or talk in the wrong way. One of the most important factors determining the health of a marriage and the health of a family is good communication—a family’s ability to resolve conflicts in a positive manner. Good communication builds intimacy. Close bonds simply can’t be developed without healthy communication. One of... Read more
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