God’s plan for marriage is found in Ephesians 5. This is the most revelatory text in the Bible about marriage and the roles of husbands and wives. But I’ve found that, while most people like what it has to say about their spouses, they don’t necessarily like what it says about them. Here’s the text. To wives, Paul writes this: “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord” (Eph. 5:22). To husbands, Paul writes “Husbands, love your wives, just... Read more
Karen broke up with me a week before our wedding. I had been living a wild and immoral lifestyle while trying to convince here I was a decent guy. Despite my efforts to hide it from her, she knew my friends, knew I was just like them, and saw through the façade. When she broke off our marriage, I realized I was about to lose the only good thing I had going for me. It brought me to my knees... Read more
The 4th chapter of John tells us the familiar story of the Samaritan woman who met Jesus at the well. It looks at the dysfunction that occurs any time we fail to trust entirely in God. The woman was stunned when Jesus asked her for a drink. After all, he shouldn’t even have been speaking to her. As a woman in the Jewish culture of the day, she ranked no higher than property. Worse, she was a Samaritan, a race... Read more
It’s impossible to have a strong and vibrant relationship without good communication and consensus. Building a strong marriage means learning how to talk things through, and then coming to a clear agreement on important matters. Good communication is a learned skill. Unfortunately, most of us have never learned to communicate effectively. I often teach that there are three types of communication: reactive, radioactive, and proactive. Most of us engage primarily in reactive communication. Someone does or says something offensive and... Read more
When Karen and I first got married, I was completely selfish. I just didn’t care. I golfed all the time and worked all the time. But there’s nothing that makes a woman feel more insecure than a selfish, detached male. I didn’t understand this about Karen. I didn’t know she needed her husband to be selfless and sacrificial. But that’s where her security comes from. Men don’t need security the way women need security. We feel secure in ourselves. For... Read more
I recently had the opportunity to meet one of my favorite authors. He’s a man named Lee Strobel and he’s written dozens of books about the Christian faith including the bestseller, The Case for Christ, which was made into a movie. The book (and the film) tell the extraordinary story of Lee’s life and his marriage. Lee had been an atheist and a successful journalist and when his wife, Leslie found a church and became a Christian, Lee thought she... Read more
The worst tragedy a married couple could ever face is the loss of a child. There’s no pain deeper, and the intense grief can spiral into a cyclone of negative emotions that often tear the marriage apart in the aftermath of the tragedy. Of all the messages we receive from couples asking for help and guidance, the most heartbreaking come from couples who have lost a child. They often wonder if healing is possible in their own hearts and in... Read more
In the parable of the sower, Jesus says some people do not bear fruit because, when they hear the Word of God, it never takes root because it is choked out by the cares of this world, the deceitfulness of riches, and the desire for other things (Mark 4:1-20) Marriages bear fruit, too. Some men and women love God, but their marriages are unfruitful for the same reasons Jesus gave. One things that chokes out marital fruit is the second... Read more
Romance means different things to different people. Mention the word, and women think of a candlelight dinner with meaningful conversation. Men think of an exciting sexual encounter. Those are two extremes, but the importance of romance within marriage can’t be underestimated. It keeps your relationship going and your passions alive. Without it, I’m convinced, relationships will begin to deteriorate. Here are three important elements of romance: First, romance is self-initiated. That means romance must be kindled without nagging or reminders.... Read more
We live in a culture that prizes independence, but it’s important to remember God created us as dependent beings. We are dependent on Him. We are dependent on the opposite sex. And, within the Church, we are dependent upon each other. When I was called into the ministry, I felt helpless when it came to preparing myself to get where God wanted me to be. But God was faithful to guide me every step of the way, providing every resource... Read more
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