In Response to a Parable

In response to this: http://www.feminagirls.com/2013/09/11/indulge-me-in-a-parable/

I agree that there are some Miss Hypocritical pants out there (and Cranky Fun-Busters although I’d be inclined to call them Mrs. Hypocritical pants given the frequency of this behavior manifested by married women). However, I also know that there are a lot more women out there who aren’t being cared for in the manner God created them to be.  All of the afore-mentioned types of women seem to misunderstand who God is and reveal a deep-rooted insecurity caused by that.

Clothing is a type of window into a woman’s heart. When she is fulfilled and joyful, a lot of women tend to pick vibrant colors and fun, unnecessary accents.   If a woman has a critical and ungracious spirit, her clothes usually mirror that strain (perhaps in a drab or needlessly constrictive manner). When a girl is unloved and desperate, her clothes will reflect that, too. In the latter category, my experience has been that wearing immodest apparel usually has more to do with feeble attempts to find love then trying to rally hoots from sleazy construction workers.

The sad truth is that there are many parents who don’t notice their daughter at all unless she is wearing something outrageous and/or acting out. In order to get her parents attention, she might opt for tighter shirts and shorter skirts.  Any girl who isn’t completely oblivious will, of course, notice that this will get attention — that is the point. It seems like a waste of resources to guess at who her intended audience is. Does it really matter? How will knowing whose attention she is vying for alter God’s grace?

For the record, I’ve never met a woman who dresses with conscious intent of provoking cat calls from tacky, selfish, unbridled men just for funsies.  Regardless of why they are doing it, it is only a matter of time until these girls realize how demeaning and dehumanizing those types of responses are. When that happens, often, they start believing that they really aren’t worthy of  love and respect.  It becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy. They stop requiring anyone to  treat them with common decency.  They surrender and allow some sad excuse of a man to use and abuse them or, worse, many men. They are desperate, not stupid. I’d rather give these ladies the benefit of the doubt instead of portraying them as idiots and clowns.

I probably sound like a cliché killjoy, but those  girls don’t need women throwing a spotlight onto their shame  (especially women who have never experienced the lonely hopelessness of not feeling loved). Those girls need a real parent. They need a real friend. They need someone to pour out love and grace and truth onto them. Those girls need someone to prove that they don’t have to be ostentatious in order to be worthy of attention. They need someone to gently remind them that God takes a very personal interest in them and that He IS unfailing, reliable, comforting love — offering these ladies a little grace and kindness would be a good way to start exemplifying that.

If I may, I’d like to add another optional ending to this adventure:  A woman in the girl’s church notices her and decides to sacrifice considerable time and energy to help. She expresses interest and befriends her. She remembers her birthday, protects her from the ungracious Mrs. Hypocritical and feeds her good food: the type that brings contentment to the girl’s belly as well as the kind that fills up the girl’s soul. Eventually, the girl begins to understand that being made in the image of God and being adopted into His family makes her worthy of love. She gradually (perhaps unintentionally) reclaims her dignity and decency. She covers up her thighs because they are too precious to share. Her breasts aren’t on display anymore because she knows that they are like “fawns among the lilies”. She sees beauty in her natural smile that doesn’t look at all like a deranged duck.  She ignores the type of guy who whistles at her and, for the most part, they ignore her. One day she meets a wonderful young man who sees her as Christ does. They get married and spend the rest of their lives, joyfully sacrificing themselves together. One day she gives birth to a daughter and the husband and his wife love her very much. They tell their daughter fairy tales and parables that overflow with wonderful truth. They rejoice and praise God because their daughter will never doubt how much she is loved.

POST SCRIPT:

My reflections on the Femina post is intended to be a companion thought to it, not a refutation of it.

I am not advocating we ignore sin. When I say pour out truth and grace, that includes the truth of there being sin in these lady’s lives that needs to be addressed. My concern is more one of emphasis. By way of example, I have two little girls and two little boys. We teach all of them that they are not allowed to hit one another. Due to the nature of their genders, I find the need to reiterate this law to my sons more frequently. Similarly, the natural temptation of  “Cranky Fun-Busters” would be to appoint themselves Officials of the Confrontation Committee, accusing everyone in their path without using discretion and wisdom. Since the internet provides an unlimited audience, it is safe to assume that some of the readers are such women.  I would simply like to balance the recognizing of sin with charity.

While we are all called to speak truth and identify sin, we must make sure we are doing so with kindness (which, incidentally, is often the most effective way to help someone).  We must also look at the big picture. How well do we know this young lady? What is going on? Reasons are never an excuse for sin, but context can change how effectively we approach addressing it.

We saw Jesus spending a lot of time with adulteresses and prostitutes. When he met them, he didn’t point his finger at them and cry, “whore!” and he didn’t confront them right off the bat about being sluts. He first established a history that testified to his honest care for their wellbeing and then,  graciously, firmly told them to go their way and sin no more (John 8:2-11).  Similarly, we need to make sure we are addressing immodesty out of care for these ladies, not because they annoy us or because we don’t happen to be tempted by that sin.

Since we are addressing the topic of hypocrisy, I think it is only appropriate to recall Matthew 7:5. I recently asked my pastor about confrontation protocol after reading his commendable post about humility and confrontation. How do we know we are confronting sin out of love (as opposed to calling out sin for our own egos sake)? His answer was, “The main litmus test Jesus gives us is the whole log/speck standard. Examine yourself and ask if you have the same sin going on in your life in any form. Also check whether you have sinned in any way that could be reasonably contributing to the sin you want to address/confront. First take the log out of your own eye. Also remember that Jesus says that by the measure we judge, we will be judged. That’s basically saying the same thing. But it’s not saying we shouldn’t confront. Humility just means start with your own sin and work your way out. Sometimes confrontation begins with confession. “I know that I have done such and such. Please forgive me. I would also like to talk to you about X and Y.” He also suggested I check my motives to find out what I was trying to get out of confronting someone. Do I want to bring life to them or am I trying to make myself feel better?