Friday, after a morning of movers (having movers will be on my Thankful Tuesday list, by the way), I took my smelly rubber gloves and (by myself!) spent three and a half hours cleaning our old place. I was feeling emotional. Yes, we only lived there a year but it was the year when my baby turned into a boy.
I’ve now moved eight times since I graduated from college nine years ago. And each place has looked just as lonely and just as brokenhearted each time I’ve left. I’ve always had a tendency to give human characteristics to inanimate objects (I won’t even try to explain how some of the numbers in my second grade multiplication tables liked each other while some did not), but houses get the worst of it from me. I’m always sad to close the door and give back the key. I always hear Amy Grant crooning “If These Walls Could Speak” (I promise you really shouldn’t click on that link) in my mental music mix.
So, as I swept and vacuumed and scrubbed the refrigerator; as I discovered toys in crevices and remembered every night of tantrums and sick cries and toddler games of golf/hockey in the hall, I listened to a mix designed to make me feel as emotional as possible.
Here it is: The Emotional Mother’s Playlist as She Cleans Her Old Apartment for the Final Time. (Warning: This list may contain lots of cheesy Christian music you’ve never heard of. Don’t judge me for my sub par taste in music! I’m fragile…)
I May Know The Word – I love me some old school Natalie Merchant. And this song is one of my favorites.
I Just Realized – Matt Wertz. I love the summer Americana feeling of this song. It makes me want to sit on a back porch sipping lemonade with my main squeeze. And while our apartment had no back porch, it was warm enough this past Monday night to eat Italian food on the roof with our Syracuse friends Maarten and Andrea. And it was perfectly lovely.
I Am – Nichole Nordeman. Look, I know this song is seriously bordering on sappy. But I cannot listen to it without tears. It just makes me remember how much I love Jesus and I can’t deny a song that does that to me.
Hush – Waterdeep. Their Everyone’s Beautiful album came out my junior year of college, just prior to a devastating breakup with the on-again off-a-lot college boyfriend. “Hush” was my song of that moment. And it’s my go-to song when I’m feeling pathetic.Fade into You – Mazzy Star. I mentioned this song in our 90’s discussion. But, come on, it’s just so sexy. I don’t know why it was on my emotional playlist, but it was.
Come Be Who You Are – Sara Groves. A prayer, “In the middle of the way I am, come be who You are.” So good.
Come Now My Love – Alli Rogers. She quotes Song of Songs, which I looooove. “For the winter is past; the rain is over and gone.”
Close the Door – Waterdeep. A song about being a parent and feeling depressed. Yes!
Beautiful Day – U2. General pepping up after the depressing Waterdeep song.
Jesus, You’re Beautiful – Sara Groves. (Wow, she made it on this list three times. I didn’t know I liked her this much.) I love singing this song to August and it reminds me of leaning over the crib in the middle of the night.
Jesus, Lover of My Soul – Red Mountain Church. An old hymn that’s been redone beautifully.
We Are Not As Strong As We Think We Are – Classic Rich Mullins.
When The Summer’s Gone – Derek Webb and Sandra McCracken. Love me a loss of Summer romance song.
You Can Sing – Lori Chaffer. A mama’s song to her baby. These lyrics are fantastic: “Fat Tires and cigarettes / Romeos and Juliets / Another night of crazy bets /And everyone survives / With no scars and no regrets / You wait it out like a seasoned vet / Letting go can look like that / Before you realize…” If there’s one song on this mix that you should find and download. It’s this one.
980 Anne Steele – Sandra McCracken. I blogged about another Anne Steele song from Sandra’s (I call her by her first name because I’m convinced she’s my friend) recent album. This is solid hymn for closing a house. “If my immortal Savior lives / Then my immortal life is sure.”