- No, sex isn’t only for procreation – it’s also for bonding and for pleasure.
- I believe the church has made a concerted effort to monitor what goes on between married individuals in the bedroom less and less. Most of their current statements about marital sex speak to issues of infidelity, abuse or coercion. In fact there is no mention of restrictions on oral sex within the official church handbook of instructions.
- Contradictions within church statements are unfortunately a large part of our history on a variety of topics. As a church organization we are not immune to cultural and societal bias of the times. This is why personal revelation and discernment are such key principles to being a healthy and mature Mormon adult. The letter you refer to was, in my understanding, rescinded and never put forth as official church policy. Our leaders make mistakes too. One of the struggles even Joseph Smith talked about regularly is knowing when one is speaking in the name of God and when one is speaking from one’s own experiences and best intent. I believe the majority of the council we get at church is of good worth, can benefit our lives and falls under the heading of “inspired.” However, this does not make everything we hear over a pulpit infallible. This is a dilemma for faithful latter-day saints who very much desire to follow the prophets and heed inspired direction. Each member deals with this dilemma in uniquely personal ways taking into account their own circumstances, personality, culture, family, and relationship with God.
- If you look under “oral sex” in the blog topics you will find a lot more information that might be useful in helping you explore your own thoughts and feelings towards this topic.
- Great questions! The fact that you were able to address behaviors towards pornography and that you are willing to ask these types of questions, leads me to believe you will be successful in your endeavors as a future spouse. All marriages struggle. Yet, when we can honestly question and face our fears we are in a better space to move forward in health.
- As far as your third paragraph, some red flags went up for me. My guess, without being able to officially assess or diagnose you, would be that you might be suffering from scrupulosity – a form of OCD. I would recommend seeing a psychiatrist and/or psychologist for a psychiatric evaluation and medication consult.
These are some books you may find helpful if scrupulosity is an issue:
- The Doubting Disease by Joseph Ciarrocchi
- The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook
- Brain Lock by Jeffrey Schwartz
-I would also recommend that you listen to the podcast on Mormon Stories on this topic:
Your Heavenly Father loves you and cheers for your joy, progress and physical/emotional health. I think at times we tend to forget that His teachings and guidance are there for our benefit, not His. As a parent myself, I cannot imagine wanting or intending for my advice or teaching of correct principles to bring about depression/anxiety to my children. I would only offer those things in hopes of buoying the exact opposite. I would encourage you to explore this type of relationship with your deity.
Good luck and I wish you the very best in the dating months/years ahead.