Ever since I converted, I have had Muslim men reach out to me about how they want to marry a white convert. As soon as I tell them I am taken, they ask if I have any friends who are single. Brother, that’s not how it works. Just because you cannot have me, I’m not going to offer my friends, or someone like myself, to you.
Today a brother posted on my Instagram, where I posted a picture of tea with the caption, “Guess what type of tea this is.. it’s my favorite”. Check out the comments here:
Dear brothers of the like, this article is for you. Please read it and learn from it.
Brothers tell me they want a convert because she was not born a Muslim and she found Islam by herself. I am told by Muslim men that they want a convert so he can teach her about Islam. He does this so he can receive more good deeds. Us converts are not “good deed tokens” you can just receive to get into heaven. God loves humble people. If you are expecting to get good deeds for selfish reasons, don’t waste your time. What I see more often than not is that after a brother marries a convert, he will only teach the basics about Islam, then give up teaching her. He will say it’s too much work or she’s not trying hard enough. Also, don’t expect that converts don’t know anything about Islam. I researched Islam for three years before I converted.
Some Brothers who marry converts say that they are worried their wife will leave Islam and become a Christian again. Maybe, brother, you are not secure about your Islam and don’t practice it properly, so you think she’ll leave the religion. If you are so worried about that, maybe you should be a better Muslim and husband; then she will never want to leave Islam. That means you should worry about your own faith, before you worry about hers.
When looking for someone to marry, we should never put aside anyone because of their race or the way they were raised.
I’ve also heard brothers say they refuse to marry coverts and only want to marry born Muslims, so they can teach their kids everything about Islam. Yes, let’s put all of the burden on women yet again to carry the family. Also, when looking for someone to marry, we should never put aside anyone because of their race or the way they were raised.
Brothers will tell me they want to marry a white convert so their kids will be whiter, or so that they may have colored eyes. The funny thing is that you have no idea what your children will look like, though. It also implies that light skin and colored eyes are more beautiful, and is just a shallow reason to marry someone.
Don’t marry “Jenny the party girl” and expect her to turn into Khadijah just because she converted.
I also want to talk about the brothers who expect the girlfriends they party with to convert for them, in hopes that the brother’s parents will approve of him marrying her. Sisters, it is none of my business if you convert for your husband— that’s between you and God. But after these women convert for their boyfriends or husbands, I often see the brother getting irritated that his kids are not being raised in an Islamic away, or that his wife doesn’t want to quit partying and drinking for him. The whole time, he wants an already-devout Muslim. I often see these marriages ending in divorce. So, don’t marry “Jenny the party girl” and expect her to turn into Khadijah just because she converted.
It’s okay to have a preference of who you want to marry, but it’s not okay to have a fetish.
Basically, when looking for a wife, it’s okay to have a preference of who you want to marry, but it’s not okay to have a fetish. You should be diverse in your mindset. Black Muslimahs, or born Muslims of different ethnicities are just as great, if not better.
Anyone who has questions about Islam or conversion, please message me on my Facebook page and watch my YouTube channel.
Kaya is a blogger, activist, and freelance writer.
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