Why Are Some Muslim Men Obsessed with White Converts?

Why Are Some Muslim Men Obsessed with White Converts? May 8, 2017
Muslim men obsessed white converts
Photo by Harits Mustya Pratama on Unsplash

Ever since I converted, I have had Muslim men reach out to me about how they want to marry a white convert. As soon as I tell them I am taken, they ask if I have any friends who are single. Brother, that’s not how it works. Just because you cannot have me, I’m not going to offer my friends, or someone like myself, to you.

Today a brother posted on my Instagram, where I posted a picture of tea with the caption, “Guess what type of tea this is.. it’s my favorite”. Check out the comments here:


Dear brothers of the like, this article is for you. Please read it and learn from it.

Brothers tell me they want a convert because she was not born a Muslim and she found Islam by herself. I am told by Muslim men that they want a convert so he can teach her about Islam.  He does this so he can receive more good deeds. Us converts are not “good deed tokens” you can just receive to get into heaven. God loves humble people.  If you are expecting to get good deeds for selfish reasons, don’t waste your time. What I see more often than not is that after a brother marries a convert, he will only teach the basics about Islam, then give up teaching her. He will say it’s too much work or she’s not trying hard enough. Also, don’t expect that converts don’t know anything about Islam.  I researched Islam for three years before I converted.

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Some Brothers who marry converts say that they are worried their wife will leave Islam and become a Christian again. Maybe, brother, you are not secure about your Islam and don’t practice it properly, so you think she’ll leave the religion. If you are so worried about that, maybe you should be a better Muslim and husband; then she will never want to leave Islam. That means you should worry about your own faith, before you worry about hers.

When looking for someone to marry, we should never put aside anyone because of their race or the way they were raised.

I’ve also heard brothers say they refuse to marry coverts and only want to marry born Muslims, so they can teach their kids everything about Islam.  Yes, let’s put all of the burden on women yet again to carry the family. Also, when looking for someone to marry, we should never put aside anyone because of their race or the way they were raised.

Brothers will tell me they want to marry a white convert so their kids will be whiter, or so that they may have colored eyes. The funny thing is that you have no idea what your children will look like, though. It also implies that light skin and colored eyes are more beautiful, and is just a shallow reason to marry someone.

Don’t marry “Jenny the party girl” and expect her to turn into Khadijah just because she converted.

I also want to talk about the brothers who expect the girlfriends they party with to convert for them, in hopes that the brother’s parents will approve of him marrying her. Sisters, it is none of my business if you convert for your husband— that’s between you and God. But after these women convert for their boyfriends or husbands, I often see the brother getting irritated that his kids are not being raised in an Islamic away, or that his wife doesn’t want to quit partying and drinking for him. The whole time, he wants an already-devout Muslim.  I often see these marriages ending in divorce. So, don’t marry “Jenny the party girl” and expect her to turn into Khadijah just because she converted.

It’s okay to have a preference of who you want to marry, but it’s not okay to have a fetish.

Basically, when looking for a wife, it’s okay to have a preference of who you want to marry, but it’s not okay to have a fetish. You should be diverse in your mindset. Black Muslimahs, or born Muslims of different ethnicities are just as great, if not better.

Anyone who has questions about Islam or conversion, please message me on my Facebook page and watch my YouTube channel. 

Click here to visit my: InstagramFacebook, YouTube, and Blog.

Kaya is a blogger, activist, and freelance writer.

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • MA

    may allah bless, you made my day

  • Feisal

    Islam is perfection. Muslims are the problem.

  • Umm
  • Ummer Farooq

    They can always marry a local jinn gal. Me, I would prefer only a Tabligh jamaat level active lass, who cares to live by the 40th hadith of Imam Nawawi’s 40 hadith. Almost got suckered into marrying a rich mans daughter with dozens of properties to her name. Glory be to Allah who taught me to stay quiet if I wanted to remain safe.

    Though getting half a million of Jenny’s wine guzzling cousins to taste the aroma of salaat, now that would be charity. And one can’t do that without a wife.

  • Anonymous

    I will say that it’s also fir another reason, I’m assuming most of these Muslim men are South Asian? Or maybe Arab? Because in South Asian culture specifically white, Eurocentric looking beauty is seen as the ultimate beauty, and those ideas are embedded into the minds of these men from a young age.

  • Zain Khan


  • Exactly .

  • Kaya

    After all of the negative comments I received about my article, this one made up for all of the bad ones lol

  • M.A.P.

    @ Feisal n others…Being a Muslim refers to one’s ability to put into practice the Islamic culture or principles. Calling once a Muslim is a title for good observance as our Nabee S.A.W. pointed out. Our era is full of people coming up with new European and Western culture meaning where words use and meanings are constantly changing. Why fear saying Islamic or Islam follower or even mankind or human beings…Why following the wrong trend of many people in throwing dirts on the real meaning for the appellation ‘MUSLIM’. To get this appellation we need to strive on respecting the Islamic values which mean acting in respect for Human values. Even when we die the Malaak Ul Maat will decide who acted as per his deeds in respect to human values and the instructions of our RAB SWT.

  • M.A.P.

    Islamic followers can be named islamist as the being referred as Muslim its far greater than a simple appellation or title for a group to take as granted.

  • JusssanotherMuslimah

    I also think they are intimidated by girls of color, there is this idea that white women are more mild and timid that I’ve seen.

  • Jon

    This has NOTHING to do with the conversion. This has to do with Arab men wanting what they have not had (a white girl). For similar reasons I married a Malay girl, as I was tired of what I had been seeing every day as a white man. These motivations are sexual, and not religious.
    IF the convert was already from the middle east, then I assure you the guy wouldn’t be so eager to marry them…

  • naeema1

    Great Post. Kaya. Keep it up. You are truely a good educator for the shallow brothers. You are answers are uninhibitedly rational, confident and truthful and giving light to those hiding under the rock of ignorance. Keep education going. Thank You.

  • wjshelton

    I love the assumption by many that converts/reverts know little about Islam. Some of us do. Some of us don’t. In my case, I read about and studied Islam for 40 years before taking my Shahadah. The last year before was one of very intense study, courses at a local mosque and frequent attendance for Jumah and other services, considering that I had to drive 60 miles to get to the nearest mosque.

  • No1

    It’s best to remove the ignorance from ourselves before trying to remove ignorance from other people. This is not our job… you may say something from ignorance that could mislead and make peoples situation worse.”I’m not going to offer my friends, or someone like myself, to you.” That’s not a wise statement at all even if you see it to be correct. If you don’t like something just move on… you don’t have to address it on a blog.