A Boy’s Disappointment

The reason those of us who keep looking for miracles, signs and wonders are called adulterous is because we want a god other than the one we already have.

I had a bit of a revelation over the holidays. I saw myself as a little boy. My mind is filled with dreams and expectations and desires. They continuously get disappointed. So, as a result, my life is filled with disappointment. I don’t see these expectations fulfilled. I am sad far too often. I’ve been advised over and over again that I need to recast my visions, to adjust my dreams, to work harder to see my expectations come to pass. I’ve tried that and it is fruitless. Buddha realized that too. I’ve come to the conclusion that dreams and visions and the pursuit of signs and wonders is not only unhealthy, but, as Jesus said, adulterous. And I am one of those adulterous people completely surrounded by adulterous people.

This last year I saw many reasonable expectations meet with wild disappointment. I agree with Paul who agreed with the Old Testament, that we are all sinners and that all our feet are swift to shed blood. I no longer put my hope in people. I no longer put my hope in their strategies. They are dead-ends. I choose to put my hope in God, whatever that means. I’m going to be content with the god I got. Or, rather, who got me. I somehow know that if one woman or one man was transformed by the renewing of his or her mind… well… look out world!

The fine art photograph is the creation of my friend Mark Hemmings and is from his New York series. I like it.