men in power and sexual assault

men in power and sexual assault June 5, 2013
sexual assault cartoon by nakedpastor david hayward
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Sexual assault has dramatically increased in the military and the Joint Chiefs baffle the senators with their responses.

A class action suit for sexual harassment has been filed against the Royal Canadian Mounted Police.

The responses of those in power are both defensive and superficially apologetic.

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  • Nancy T.

    You may find this an interesting take on the subject…

  • really, unless people are truly connected to the abuse, they are not going to care a whole lot.

    I mean, girls are sold and trafficked in every state in our nation, and yet not many people care to much to see it or do anything about it.

    Likewise, juvenile abuse does not make as much of a connection with us because we are never shown the actual victim (that’s a good thing by the way), but is detaches our emotions from the problem.

    As someone who’s been abused, I can easily sympathize with other victims, but I don’t think it’s that easy for those who haven’t been.

  • Al Cruise
  • Al Cruise
  • yep. sad.

  • Chester McMackin

    Inadequate consequences are usually levied after convictions. If more severe imprisonment, fines and full media coverage were applied in each case of absolute proof of the crime, I suspect there would be a significant decrease,

  • HeidiTurner
  • Brian s

    You seem to be unaware that half of these assaults are against men; that is, they are homosexual assaults. It would seem that the small percentage of homosexual men in the military commit half of the sexual assaults while the heterosexual men commit, by percentage, far fewer. If we remove the homosexuals from the military (like in the good ole days) we could reduce sexual assaults by half.

  • Adam Julians

    You know what I am fucking pissed off. I have done so much to adress these kind of issues. I have taken guys aside and spoken harsly to them about the way that have treated women, in one case the guy beating up on his wife who was a theology student and the son od a church leader of all things. And yet I NEVER get any affirmation, respect shown. All I hear of is men BAD! And I get lumped in with the bad.

    Let’s not forget that gender violence is not always about the men being perpetrator of the crime. I want to emphasise this as strongly when is happens and to see this emphasised as stongly, that when women act as in this case they are treated as vociferously as a man would be if he acted similarly. Men have an added problem when they are on the receving end of abuse fomr women. “As a man, it’s very difficult to say you’ve been beaten up. It seems like you’re the big brute and she’s the daffodil, but sometimes it’s not like that.”

    I cannnot help getting like this ask I have a family member who has expereinced such. He got out of the situation that was abusive for him, thankfully, has been healing and is now in a better place.

    And when I hear so much negative stuff about men, I feel as a man, disrespected for the work I do to prevent gender abuse. It’s like I am lumped in with other men. I find it alienating, and it means energy I could be using in adressing such issues is now used in defending myself. Which is detrimental to the wormen that would otherwise have benefitted from the attention I would have been able to give to this important issue in providing such service.

    The only way that this issue is going to be addressed is if those working to address it are enabled to do so. And whethr the prepetrator and victm is either man or women or vice versa there is healing for those mistreated, there is repentance in those doing the mistreatment and there are healthy boundaries estabilished and maintained.

  • Adam Julians

    You will also see form the report I have provided a link to that “More married men (2.3 per cent) suffered from partner abuse last year
    than married women, according to the latest British Crime Survey [and] Stigma and fear of being disbelieved, among other factors, make men
    much less likely than women to report abuse to the police. The British
    Crime Survey found that only 10 per cent of male victims of domestic
    violence had told the police, compared with 29 per cent of women”.

    This is not just about men commiting the vilonce. And it is misrepresentative to communicate it as such.

  • Adam Julians

    So what do you do to help yourself and what do you do to help other victims?

  • ridiculous.

  • Adam Julians

    Do you have any affinity with Westboro baptist church by any chance Brain?

  • Brian s


  • For myself, forgiveness has really taken the brunt of the issue for me. Then I make sure I’m surrounding myself in an environment that sees me as nothing but a child of God.

    For others, this July I’m going to Panama to help at a girls conference for abused and trafficked girls. Again, to help them see that they are children of God, nothing less.

    I’ve been involved in teen moms ministry and single moms ministry, but not so much survivor ministry. Some of it has to do with where I’m located and not a lot of access to those, but some of it is also that I have 6 kids and homeschool and have precious little time left over.

    I’m trying to bring light to the issue via my blog , by sharing my story. You can find it in the topic of ‘rape’.
    Sometimes you just need to know that you aren’t the only one out there, which is how you can feel.

    We need to talk about these things that live in the dark, the more we talk about them, and show we are not afraid, the more other survivors are able to crawl out of the shadows to seek help.

  • Adam Julians

    Thank you for sharing may I applaud what you have said about forgiveness and what you have talked about with sharing, not being afraid and with alchemising your own pain into doing good for others.

    I’ve not known any gender mistretment personally in this respect but have been on the receiving end of mistreatement in other ways. So I woudn’t offed by saying I know how you feel, but I can sympathise with surffering.

    I hear and agre with what you say about sharing. Perhps it would be dishonouring to this thread and to women’s stories to distract by sharing my story here and now. Maybe another time would be good for that.

    I agree, you do need to know you are not alone, That sometimes that is enough.

  • Adam Julians

    The poor guy looked and sounded terrified. I felt sad for him on watching the video.

  • Nick Gotts

    I don’t see why you feel like that. If you’re not abusive or sexist, it’s not, in the vast majority of cases, aimed at you. Even where it is, I take it as a very minor compensating disadvantage for the huge degree of social privilege we get just by being male.

    I wouldn’t accept that report from the Independent uncritically: the British Crime Survey is based on self-report, which is not very reliable. Homicide statistics are much more reliable, and consistently across space and time, show that more women are killed by their intimate partner than men – although in total, far more men are homicide victims (that’s mostly men killing other men). Interestingly, in the UK, you’ll see a marked fall in victims of both sexes since the 1970s, but more so for male victims: I’ve seen this attributed to the growth of women’s refuges, meaning that fewer women are killing abusive partners in desperation.

  • Adam Julians

    I have heard that argument made before about social privelidge with being male. I don’t accept that uncritically just as you would not accept the report from the independant critically.

    I have personal reasonas for being pissed off which I will not share here. Let’s just say I can relate to the quote I made from the Independent and leave it at that shall we. And also with the expereince of my brother suffering from spoucal abuse. I would have thought the latter would have been sufficient for it to be seen why I have felt as I have.

    I have a strong disliking for the argument being made about social priveliges with being male when It is made in response to concerns raised about mistreatment of men by woman. It undermines the issue which is every bit of a problem as it is when it is women that are being mistreated by men.

    This important issue is not going to be addressed equally unless the some amount of importance is given to it whatever gender is mistreating and being mistreated, there be healing from that, helthy boundaries established anf the mistreatement to cease.

  • Nick Gotts

    You simply don’t understand the concept of “privilege” in this sense. It doesn’t mean every man is more privileged than every woman, or that women can never oppress men. See here

  • Adam Julians

    You are not listening Nick. I am talking about personal expereince and expreience of my brother. To talk about privelidge in the light of that and some very difficult expereinces both he and I have had, which as human beings, has required counselling and to undermine that issue is to do every bit as much as those women expereince who have been victims, which then experience secondary vitimisation by their difficulties being swept under the carptet.

    Except in my situation, not only was my mitreatment not taken seriously fomr someone in a position of trust, but I was treated as the one who had been doing the mistreatement, which not only addres additional burdents to the one I was carrying, making tings unbearable, with slanderous remarks that harmed my reputation.

    Esther put her finger on it – we all need to know we are not the only one out there and we all need to talk about things that live in the dark so that more survivors are able to crawl out of the shadows and seek help. I think what she has written of thinking of it not being easy for those who have been abused to identify with other vitcims. And I would suggest this is the case with the way you are engaging Nick.

    When a man has bee mistreated it does not help to forcefully piont out that men have privelidges. It is stupid, it is bordering on being abusive, it undermines their expereince, and only compounds a problem.

    Yes there are double standards in society where women are opressed this is not to deminish this problem thar requires adressing with equal priority. Nobody here is miminising the importance of that. At the same time, the psychologist I am seeing says out of her clients with women who are faced with dsifficulties with bosses it is mostly with female bosses, as women who have been opressed, then overcompensate and become opressorse themselves.

    You pointed out the privelidges of men in society. I would suggest that there a social conditioning that happens where it is presumed that a woman is a victim and a man is an opressor and I would strongly suggested taking that into account with what has influenced the poistion and view you hold, as much as you wish me to do so with considering the positions of men in society.

  • Adam Julians

    Before I take a look at the link you provided. I would ask you to take a look at this, written by women, just so you know that there is nothing of bias comeing fomr a man with a postiton of privelidge that you want to argue.

  • Nick Gotts

    The fact that you think garbage like this, in a hate sheet such as the Daily Mail, is worth linking to, does not impress me. Yes, gender stereotyping damages men too, but it remains the case that the vast majority of positions of power in society are held by men; to claim that men are systematically oppressed is simply a lie. Just look at this poisonous tosh:

    American author Kathleen Parker’s courageous thesis is that initially, through extreme feminism, then via its craven implementation into society, women have demonised men and trivialised their contribution, especially to family life.

    I say courageous because, in the eyes of many women and of the liberal establishment, suggesting men have had a rough deal is nothing short of heresy.

    Parker should be burnt at the stake, they cry.

    Oh yes, how courageous it is to bring out a book which will undoubtedly earn the author large amounts of money, and as this article shows, reams of praise from anti-feminists. Characterizing criticism as cries of “heresy” and calls for people to be “burnt at the stake” is a typical ploy of the powerful and influential posing as underdogs and victims.

  • Nick Gotts

    I don’t intend to devalue your personal experience, but nor can I accept what you say uncritically.

  • Adam Julians

    I don’t have any problem with you not accepting what I say uncritically. I enjoy healthy debate done in a spirit of mutual respect. However, to say a view that you don’t agree with is “garbage”, puts an end to healthy discussion and debate.

    It took a lot of courage form me to state the views I have here and to share my presonal expreiences. The same is true for Ester and will be true for the courage she is showing in action she is taking both for herself and for others. As mentieond, taking such courage to speak out is conducive to other surviours enabling to crawl out of the shadows and seek help.

    In my opnion of the truth, you have been a bully in your interaction here. Being a bully it impossible to take what you write seriously, as behind every bully is a coward.

    You have devalued my personal expereince in the way you have engaged in conversation, though I understand this was not your intention. Again, I would strongly suggest taking into account what has led you to the position you hols as much as you would challenge.

    I have no intention to waste my time with any further dialogue with you while this is the tone of your engagement. Should your input chance to one that is conducive to healing and the adressing of this important issue for the betterment of survivors whatever gener then I wil consider furter dialogue. I’m not goign to waste my time with a bully or someone who does nothign tot help but only compound the problem.

  • Nick Gotts

    The article you linked to in the Daily Mail hate sheet is garbage, and I make no apology at all for calling it that. Whether you wish to engage with me is of course your choice. I will continue to respond to your comments if and when I choose.

  • Ya I have to agree Adam. That article is hard to take seriously. It reminds me of Fox News in the USA.

  • Adam Julians

    I hear your point about disagreeing with the article. I understand having shhared what you have about being a feminist that you would disagree with it and I respect your freedom to come to your own conclusion and express your views.

    I would however expression caution in the way your views are expressed for men who have undegone mistreatment at the hands of women. I have to say that just as stereotyping of genders leades to disadvantages for all, stereotyping men as perpetraros and women and victims is also not the best way to go about things.

    As mentieoned, I applaud Esters apprach of turning something around that has been painfor for her into doing good for othere having healed form her expereinces enough to be able to do that.

    As you know, and will see, this still is a fairly raw thing for me emotionally and my comments reflect that. I hope to be in a position through healing and the approach i take to both do what is of benefit to my own well being and to the service of others as Esther has done and is doing fomr what she has mentioned.

    In the meantime, talking about men being in positions of power and privelidge in response to expression my and my brothers mistreatment negating the suffereing we have been though and undemine our personal expereince.

    Applying such to my comments is for me to expereince simlar in principle to women who have been abused and expereince secondary abuse through those who have neglected to attend to such issues. It is a stupid act, it is bordering on abusive, it doesn’t help and it only compounds the problem.

    It takes a lot of courage for me to speak out like this and if all this does is give hope to one person so they man or woman would be enabeld to got help for healing and / or someone who is mistreating think twice about what they are doing then I will have provided a service.

    It concerns me that you do not take such things about men being mistreated by women as seriously and equally as women being mistreated by men David, at least in the way your comments come across here.

    My hope is that this gender abuse whoever happens to be the perpetrator or the victim of such is addressed so that the victim receives healing and the perpetrator gets to expereince the rightful consequences of such acts.

  • Adam: You don’t seem to understand the difference between the violence against women by men as being systemic with a long cultural history of support and the occasional violence against men by women that isn’t systemic. I’m not saying you haven’t experienced abuse at the hands of a woman. I have as well. But it doesn’t carry the same weight behind it of a whole history of endorsement. There is a difference.

  • Adam Julians

    David – I mentioned before “Yes there are double standards in society where women are opressed this
    is not to deminish this problem thar requires adressing with equal
    priority. Nobody here is miminising the importance of that.”

    And, in suport of what Esther has shared I applauded her and her truning around her personal situation for the help of others. i don’t see anyone else here either recognising the courage she has in
    sharing what she has and using her epereince to help others.

    What part of any of that is showing a misunderstanding of violence of men against women as you claim I seem to msuniderstand.

    I contuniue to remain concerned at your lack of attendance to men having been mistreated by women. I find your comment to be dismissive of my and my brothers expereince by calling “occasional violence” and not carrying the same wieght.

    I don’t disagree with you that there is a history of men being in positons of power and there being a difference in that respect. But to bring that up when a male takes the courage to share painful expereinces and who is in a helaing process is not the best approach.

    It does not help to undermine the expereince of men who have suffered such by describe it as “occasional” or to claim that such does not carry as much weight due to hisorical and social factors. Believing such things is why people keep stuff to themselves and odn’t look for help. And if I have encouraged just one man to speak up rather than hiding in aocohol, or violence to himself or others, isoloting himself or other ways of unhealthy coping then i will have done a service in what I am shring.

    If someone is in pain and suffering from mistreatment it is every bit as applicable with either gender. And every bit in need of healing and adressing the causes of such mistreatment.

  • jetwideawake

    Did you watch it?