New Wineskins
Every couple fights. The least you can do is fight biblically. Based off of Ephesians 4:25-32, use these principles and have a good fight with your spouse!
1. Be honest about what you’re fighting about. If you’re going to fight, at least fight about the right things. Ladies, that will mean that you’ll have to open up and tell your husband what’s really going on. Guys, you’ll have to open up and share about your feelings as well. A grunt does not constitute honesty!
“Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body.” Ephesians 4:25
2. Take care of matters quickly; don’t let them fester. If you don’t care of an issue quickly, it’s like an open wound that gets infected and spreads. What starts off as an argument surrounding an issue can metastasize and surround a person. Take care of matters quickly.
“In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.” Ephesians 4:26-27
3. Be a giver in the relationship, not a taker. Don’t be a leech. If your relationship is going to work, you need to contribute to it. There’s nothing more draining from a relationship than for one person to be a taker, not a giver. Don’t steal from your relationship.
“He who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with his own hands, that he may have something to share with those in need.” Ephesians 4:28
4. Never tear down, only build up. This one is simple: never tear down your spouse when you argue. That should change about 100% of your arguments. Most folks want to jump to this step, but for this to work, you’ve got to have the foundation of steps 1-3. Start at the beginning.
“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.“ Ephesians 4:29
5. Remember that God is watching you. This should scare you a little bit. Before you tear down your spouse again, remember that he or she is a son or a daughter of the King, and one day you’re going to have to give an account to how you treated His child. So be careful!
“And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.” Ephesians 4:30
6. Root out your own inner demons. For your relationship to work long term and for your fights to be productive long term, you need to begin to unpack the junk that’s clogging up your life. Get in the Word; join a small group; talk to a pastor; go to counseling. Do whatever you need to do to root out your own inner demons.
“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.” Ephesians 4:31
7. Let grace rule. At the end of the day, let grace rule. Forgive your spouse. God’s forgiven you more times than you can count. Extend that grace and mercy to the person you love: your spouse. Let grace rule, and watch God do something beautiful in your marriage.
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32
I hope these are helpful to you. Happy fighting!
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