How Your Marriage Can Survive Your Kids

It never happens intentionally. You marry your spouse because they’re the only one for you. It will be you and her against the world. You and him, together forever. There’s lots of romance, quiet strolls together, weekends spent exploring the world.

And it’s just the two of you . . . until there are three, or four, or five. Kids. Kids are the joyful fruit of a marriage, but they can quickly erode the marriage if you’re not careful. Funny thing about kids, they’ll suck up every waking moment of your day, if you let them. They want to be held, coddled, loved, changed, walked, soothed. They’ll climb in bed with you in the middle of the night. They’ll want you to do everything with them. They’re not intentionally trying to drive you crazy. They’re just being kids.

If you’re married with kids, you know the tension. You know the difficulty of trying to be intimate with your spouse when you’ve got a two-year-old sleeping in between you. You know the frustration of having a rare quiet moment with your spouse interrupted by a screaming child. You know the feeling of exhaustion after a full day at work and home, giving yourself to your job and your kids, leaving nothing for your spouse. What started as a relationship of love can unintentionally erode into a loveless partnership of necessity as you try and raise kids together. Instead of thriving as a couple, you’re trying to simply survive. Your spouse becomes your roommate.

If there was an easy way out of this scenario, someone would have written a book on it and sold a million copies by now. There’s no magical solution, but here are a few things you can do:

1. Pray with your spouse everyday. For your marriage to survive your kids, you’ll need the power of God like never before. Ask him for it. Constantly. Praying with your spouse everyday will do wonders for your marriage. Try it.
2. Prioritize your marriage over your kids. As harsh as this might sound, your kids need a strong marriage to look up to. Studies have continuously shown that kids raised in households with a strong marriage tend to do better in life than those that don’t. If you love your kids and want them to succeed, don’t focus on them primarily. Don’t sacrifice your marriage on the altar of your kids.
3. Don’t let your kids dictate your day. Sure, kids will take up a good portion of your dayess m, but don’t let them set the schedule. If you do, they’ll get you for every waking moment. Someone has to set a schedule for your family. Don’t let it be your kids.
4. Date your spouse. Just because you won their heart once doesn’t mean your work is over. However you have to do it, date your spouse. Don’t take their affection for granted. Date them. Date them regularly. Don’t feel bad about dumping the kids off on a babysitter. They’ll be fine. For you and your spouse to make it, you need to date each other, regularly.

For those that go to Mt Vernon Church, this coming Friday we’re having an event designed to help marriages. Called Table for Two, it’s an opportunity for parents to drop their kids off at the church and go on a date with each other. It sounds simple, but if you have kids, you know how rare it is. Date your spouse, and your marriage can survive your kids.