What You're Really Saying When You Forgive

When we’re hurt, we get angry. When we’re angry, we can get bitter. When we get bitter, we can see our lives destroyed. Monday we talked about how to break the power of unforgiveness in your life. Today I want to talk about what you’re really saying when you forgive.

When we’re hurt deeply by others, we get angry because we feel like they (whoever “they” is) owe us something: they owe us a childhood, they owe us being there as a parent, they owe us more time with them, they owe us the trust they broke, they owe us the money they stole, etc. We feel like they owe us something, and we know we’ll never get it back, so we get angry.

Jesus tells us a story about what it means to truly forgive:

23 “Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24 As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold was brought to him. 25 Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.

26 “At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ 27 The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.

28 “But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins. He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded.

29 “His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’

30 “But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. 31 When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened.

32 “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. 33 Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ 34 In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.

35 “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.” Matthew 18:23-35

When you truly forgive someone, you’re saying “you don’t owe me anymore.” Whatever the offending person did to you, whatever you feel like they owe you, truly forgiving someone is coming to the point where you decide that they don’t owe you anymore. That’s how you break the power of unforgiveness in your life.