After posting about my before-life memory regarding my grandpa, a friend reached out to me and asked me about my experiences from my early twenties when I was married to a religious Christian man. She wanted to know if I maintained this witch/psychic part of myself while married to him. I’ve been considering how to craft a post around this topic, because it’s a tangled ball of yarn. This is my life, not a simple story or narrative. I’m going to share things in this post that may upset some people. My early twenties were the epitome of survival mode for me.
First, a bit of backstory. When I was 15 years old, my psychic abilities swiftly enhanced. There’s a tendency for folks not in tune with their psychic abilities to see psychic abilities through a Hollywood lens. As in, “wow now I see dead people.” For me, it was just terrifying. Anyway, flash forward. I moved out of my childhood home at seventeen years old and moved in with my then-boyfriend and eventual first husband, who was religious and Christian. I didn’t have a grip on my fear. How did that go?
Life in the Broom Closet
I hid my witch tendencies and psychic abilities from him, I hid the depths of my anxiety disorder, and I hid my love of dark humor and dark/creepy/fae things. I used my psychic abilities for subtle practical matters that could basically be chalked up to women’s intuition (like suggesting he not buy a car that I knew would crap out on him in very little time). The spirit connections and communications continued in my dream states and I struggled with them. I read the patterns of clouds and nature and occasionally, cards. We didn’t talk about it. I went to church with him.
I wanted to give this whole Christianity thing a go, and I had a soul-deep natural desire to learn about religion. So I decided to take some classes on the bible. When I had my first communion as a child, I received a Precious Moments bible. I wanted to read it at the time, but it was the New King James Version and well, I was seven. There was no way I was getting through it. Now I had an opportunity to learn more about this well-preserved text of antiquity. Turns out, this well-preserved text of antiquity holds stories of seers and prophets, astrology, necromancy, and mythical beings. I learned (on my own accord, not in any class) that the Bible is spell book.
When Jesus said, “knock and it shall be opened to you, seek and you shall find, ask and it shall be given,” he was saying “try me.” So, I did. People call this the “law of attraction” nowadays but add their own sinister twist. I also read a lot of books by Christian philosophers and teachers, like John O’Donohue and George MacDonald and Soren Kierkegaard, Henry Nouwen.
Witch is a Way of Being
During all of this, I pursued my own path in private meditation. The signs for my own life started to become clearer. We moved near to our families again based on an insight I received in meditation and then the confirmation of this decision in a fortune cookie message. I don’t think my ex-husband would see the decision to move that way, but it was absolutely the driving force for me.
Being back near my roots, I began to break out of the shell I’d been encased in. Eventually we divorced. I didn’t really come out of the broom closet publicly for three or four more years after this, not until I opened Owl in the Oak Tarot. My family was always supportive of my spiritual and magical inclinations, it just wasn’t something we talked about very much for a good chunk of time.
Since I’m a real person, there’s a lot of messiness around all of this, so this post is essentially a condensed answer to my friend’s question. I have my own healing work to do for myself and always will. But when I look back, what I see is that the path of the witch I committed to when I was nine years old was also committed to me. Truth be told, it couldn’t be helped that I’d find the magic and mysticism no matter the lens I was looking through. Of course I would find it, it’s my nature to do so.
About the Author
Jessica Jascha is a psychic, herbalist, and writer in Minnesota. She gives readings & counsel, hosts the Moon Ritual Membership, and teaches. You can find her at jaschabotanicals.com or on Facebook.
featured image via pixabay