So what is marriage anyway?

It’s confusing to many Americans today.  I mean the definition of marriage.

Today philosopher Christopher Wolfe helps us get to ten items that are essential to what marriage must be if it is to be marriage.

But first, he explains that marriage is not something we choose to view in a certain way, or can reshape to fit our desires.  It is pre-political, which means it came before any society.  It is an objective reality that is there even if no one agrees with it.

“While some aspects of marriage may vary in different times and places, nevertheless, there are certain ‘non-negotiables,’ without which marriage would not be an intelligible institution distinct from ordinary contracts.”

Here are his ten “fundamental” features.  By fundamental,  he means those features that all human societies have agreed are essential aspects.  In other words, they represent the accumulated wisdom of the ages.  It is important to note that reason and revelation agree on these–natural law and the Bible.  I will not make an argument for that.  Most orthodox moral theologians would agree.

1) Marriage is a formal social-legal bond, recognized by society.  It is not private but public, because it is good for society and because it needs the help of others to stay strong.

2) Marriage is a community, or communion, or union of life.  It is a comprehensive sharing and giving of one to another.  No other bond is so deep and comprehensive in sharing.  Gay partnerships cannot be as deep because a) they are not compatible sexually, and b) their psyches are not complementary.

3) Marriage is sexually exclusive.  This is, in fact if not theory, almost non-existent in gay partnerships.

4) Marriage is established by free consent.  Child marriages, common in Islamic societies, are therefore not real marriages.

5) Marriage is between two people—it entails monogamy. Any other partnership will involve jealousy and cannot be total sharing.

6) Marriage is between a man and a woman; it is a bond based on sexual complementarity.  All cultures have recognized that this is the principal reason that same-sex partnerships cannot be marriage.  They cannot be the union of difference.

7) Marriage is for life. This is necessary for the flourishing of children, and also for the trust necessary in a couple even without children.

8) Marriage is oriented toward the procreation of children. Both biology and revelation (Gen. 1.28) show this.

9) Marriage is oriented toward the rearing and education of children. Only marriage can rear and educate children in ways that maximize the chances of children flourishing.

10) Marriage is oriented toward a life of mutual spousal support, at all levels. “The highest form of this support is the commitment to help one’s spouse grow in personal excellence or virtue, and therefore happiness.”

Wolfe adds that we are not fighting for “traditional” marriage.  Marriage has always been wounded, falling short of its ideals.  What we are fighting for is simply marriage, real marriage.