My Demon and Ghost

My Demon and Ghost October 23, 2014

Many years ago, when I was in my twenties, I began to dream of a young woman my age. She had long stringy dirty hair. She had black eyes set deep into a sunken face. Her nails were long and pointed and she wore tattered clothing. She was all grey like a wraith and she screamed as she came closer and closer haunting me throughout the night.
I tried spells, charms, and incantations and stones to rid me of this demon but she would not leave. I began to see her during the day in mirrors or out of the corner of my eye. I started to feel insane. Sometimes my two spirit guides would interfere and keep her back. But after doing do they would chide me for not doing what was right or they would simply shake their heads and move away. I felt left behind and didn’t understand why they weren’t helping me. They explained they were trying to.

I decided that I needed to fight this terrible woman but when we entered into a magical battle one night I came out with more scars then I had ever had gained before when encountering a vicious entity in astral. That was the confusing part. They were scars freshly opened. Not new cuts.

I no longer felt safe. I lost my sense of home and grew angry fighting all of the time with my spouse. That is when I wasn’t lethargic from lack of sleep. I was staying awake as much as possible which didn’t help with the horrific visions of her.

Then one day on of my guides stopped me during a fight with her. “Stop hurting yourself!” They said and embraced me. Then I realized she was me.

On day my husband was driving us to the house and I remembered a rape I had pushed back into my mind. I had always suspected it but never wanted to face the reality. I felt nauseous, I screamed and cried. My husband had to pull the car over. I threw the door open and leaned out gagging trying not to vomit.

The demon women, my demon, appeared less and less over the days. I’m not sure if it was a month or so later but when she appeared again I imagined her as my innocence, my child self, and I embraced her as my spirit guide had embraced me.
Now I no longer see her, however, I do still haunt myself at night. It’s because I was also abused as a very young child by a foster son and though it happened for months I only remember one incident. I have dreams where I am stuck in a haunted house and I hear my own moans and wails of remorse echoing throughout the halls. I’m always too afraid to approach the call. Perhaps I’ll remember what happened to me all those years ago. Though I’ve come a long way and fell at home with myself and my spouse. I still have a lot of healing to do.
It is a journey that I don’t have to face alone. I have my guides, friends, and my spouse. I’m so glad for the comfort and sense of home that my husband brings to me.

Settle down, it’ll all be clear
Don’t pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear
The trouble—it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found

Just know you’re not alone
‘Cause I’m gonna make this place your home
Phillip Phillips “Home”

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