I understand death, everything that exists on this Earth eventually dies. Continents break up, land falls into the sea, mountains slowly crumble, nothing lasts forever, and I understand that as humans our time on this world is short. I guess I kind of understand accidents, the human body is fragile, and there are certain things that it just can’t withstand. Accidents are most certainly “not fair” but at least they make sense in a sort of bigger picture kind of way.
What I don’t understand are diseases like cancer, where a body basically turns against its self. There are certainly environmental factors at play, but when it comes out of nowhere and kills in a span of weeks, I have trouble processing things. I rarely hate things, but I hate cancer. I hate the way it kills, I hate the way it brings grief and sorrow to those I care about. I hate the randomness of it, I hate that it ends the lives of good people while so many murderous and downright evil assholes somehow avoid it and live out long lives.
Last night at 2:00 am Eastern time my friend CJ Tremlett died of cancer. She was 46 years old. She was 46 years old, far too young for something like this, and certainly in no way deserving of it. CJ was not a big name Pagan, and there will be no obituary for her on the Wild Hunt or whatever, but she was my friend damn it. She deserves a moment, and she deserved many more decades of moments.
When you look back over year life you notice just how supportive certain people were. CJ was one of those people. It wasn’t big and loud support, but it was there and it was tangible, and I certainly didn’t always do enough to deserve it. She was a far smarter and better person than me.
I’d love to tell you that CJ never had a cross word for anyone, but that would be a lie. She had cross words for people and it was one of the reasons I loved her. “Honesty is the best policy” and the people I’ve always liked most are those capable of calling others (and me) out on their bullshit. CJ called people out on their bullshit.
She was also a loving wife, and she and her husband Jim had (and will continue to have) the kind of relationship most couples dream of. Always picking each other, always smiling when mentioning the other partner, always there for each other. I loved that about her, and I love that about Jim, and I’m glad that a bit of CJ will live on as long as Jim is around.
CJ used to fold a paper crane every morning as she started her day. Often she’d take pictures of them doing strange and hilarious things. When she was diagnosed with cancer we (her friends and family) had a goal of making over 1000 paper cranes for her as a way to give her strength, peace, and fight. At last count over 5000 had been folded. Many of those were created by people she didn’t know, but who cared about her just the same.
CJ was also a huge fan of tarot, and could take comic book movies with me like no bodies business; I’ll miss our conversations around the fire at Brushwood. She was funny and insightful, and those nights in Western New York will not be the same without her. CJ, Ari and I love you very much. Watch over Jim, and I hope the Goddess enjoys her tarot reading, you’ll give her the best one she’s ever had.
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