Happy Birthday To…Me!

The “reason for the season” is the birth of Jesus Christ, but we wouldn’t know it by looking at the way many of us celebrate Christmas.

Christmas has become excessively child-centered. It’s not about THE child. It’s about every child. (Ironically, this happens at the same time that the innocent unborn child has absolutely no legal protection.) I can appreciate the child-centered perspective to a certain extent. After all, there’s nothing like watching a child experience Christmas, whether it’s the “magic” (Mom & Dad) of gifts or stockings or the experience of going to church for this one very special day when God was made man. Believe it or not, that’s also “magic” for children.

But many of us now center everything about Christmas, especially the gift giving, on the children. Some interesting points can be made:

• Should “Santa” get all the credit for the work that Mom and Dad do?
• How much stuff do children need, anyway?
• Shouldn’t Christmas be a celebration for everyone, including the adults?
• By the way, whose birthday is it?
• Do children need any encouragement in the thought process that it’s all about them?

In my family, we have switched from giving gifts to everyone and just giving gifts to the children. I still give gifts to my parents. The gifts I get for my nieces and nephews aren’t expensive, but it rankles me that we are focusing so much on children and giving them the unrealistic notion that they are the center of the universe. So…my gifts tend to arrive in time for Epiphany on January 6. Although they’re inexpensive, I try to make them thoughtful. At least I can use the gift to remind them that there’s more to Christmas than the gift orgy of Dec. 25th.

A recent article in the NYT, however, has prompted me to revisit this topic. According to the piece, mothers are “sacrificing” so that their children can have more Christmas presents. None of the people in the story are down and out. They are blessed with all the basic necessities. This is just about giving their children MORE stuff. Case in point – one mother is “sacrificing” a pair of designer jeans so that she can give her child more toys. She’s pictured in her large garage with a large pile of toys, wearing a decent looking pair of jeans. I have no idea if the jeans are designer or not, but it’s clear that this is not a story of destitution. Sure, families may have less disposable income, but if the decision is between designer jeans and more toys, the family is better off than many families throughout the world and in the US.
Women (and men) have truly sacrificed for their families. Sacrificed to give them food, a home, a stable life. To put a pair of designer jeans on the same level boggles the mind.

A very large part of this country’s financial woes has to do with the fact that we have had some very bad spending habits for a long time – buying what we couldn’t afford, what we didn’t need, and not knowing how to cut back when we should have.

One mother explains to the NYT:

“I want her to be able to look back,” Ms. Hunt declared, “and say, ‘Even though they were tough times, my mom was still able to give me stuff.’ ”

I appreciate the desire to want to make everything as good as possible for one’s child, but the reality is that we are creating generations of people who believe they are entititled to everything. (The WSJ had a good piece here.) And maybe it would be a good lesson for the child to know that times are tough(er) and that everyone needs to reign in their material expectations. O. Henry’s sweet story The Gift of the Magi connects gift giving with love and sacrifice. It might be good to revisit the story…

Are we even entitled to co-opt someone else’s birthday? Christmas has been celebrated for almost 2,000 years. During this time, most traditions kept gift giving to a minimum and focused on the religious reality. The contemporary trends are evidence of extremely successful marketing tactics that aim to make it a lucrative holiday for business owners. But no one involved in the original Nativity story had anything that even neared the equivalent of designer jeans or elaborate children’s toys.

Whose birthday is it, anyway?