64 Terrible Church Bulletin Mistakes

64 Terrible Church Bulletin Mistakes March 15, 2018

And this is why you always – ALWAYS – proofread the bulletin.

Answers were provided by family, friends, colleagues, Ponder Anew followers, and members of the Facebook group, “I’m fed up with bad church music.”

  1. Choir anthem – “With a Voice of Sinning”
  2. Strength will rise ass we wait upon the Lord…
  3. Following the Christmas Day services, poinsettias will be distributed to shit-ins and others.
  4. From the Apostles’ Creed: “…born of the virgin Mary, suffered under Panties Pilate…”
  5. Thou shalt commit adultery.
  6. Sermon titled “The power of sinning,” was supposed to be singing…
  7. Hymn No. 227 – “The Friendly Breasts”
  8. Sermon… “Why Adultery” Last hymn… “Why Not Tonight”
  9. Just before the Maundy Thursday bulletin went to print at an Episcopal church which I served, we noticed “Choir leaves after stripping”
  10. We caught “Hymen No. 1, Holy, Holy, Holy” before a funeral bulletin went to print once.
  11. Our curate once led the prayer “that we have, worthily laminating our sins and wickedness…”
  12. Hymn – “There’s a Wilderness in God’s Mercy”
  13. “Hark, the Herald Angels Sin”—every year for Midnight Mass.
  14. The ever-popular “Cannon in D” by Pachabel
  15. “For ours is the kingdom, the power, and the glory, for ever and ever. Amen.”
  16. Entered “Panis Angelicus” as prelude. Secretary accidentally changed first “a” to an “e”.
  17. “Away in a manager…”
  18. Announcement that a local Christian school was putting on the musical “Hell, Dolly.”
  19. “Nobody knows the trouble I’ve been.
  20. “Hymns in the Park! Come prepared to sin!”
  21. The opening hymn on Easter was “Chris the Lord Is Risen Today.”
  22. “How Great We Art”
  23. In a Baptist church bulletin the hymn “The Bond of Love” was to be sung while everyone welcomed the visitors. The typist listed the hymn as “The Bone of Love.”
  24. “Bring ye all the tithes into the whorehouse.”
  25. In another bulletin some years ago the word “Whitsunday” had the capital W replaced with a capital S.
  26. “Angles We Have Heard on High”
  27. “The church will be open for medication and reflection.”
  28. Announcement for a “sex-week series of Lenten lectures.”
  29. Email to me from church secretary about title of anthem. I replied “I’ll let you know in the morning.” Despite the fact that I did, in fact, let her know a perfectly appropriate title the next day, sure enough, in the bulletin under anthem was, “I’ll Let You Know in the Morning”.
  30. “The choir will present the 4A Requiem on Saturday evening.”
  31. Blest Be the Tie that Blinds
  32. Hymn 382 – “Have Thine Own Lay, Lord”
  33. A funeral bulletin read: “Internment will follow the service, at Forest Lawn.”
  34. At my Presbyterian church the Apostles’ Creed once read “ he ascended into Heaven and sixtieth on the right hand of God the Father almighty…”
  35. Holy Saturday bulletin, “do you reject Stan”.
  36. From one of the Advent Wreath prayers for Advent II, a petition to “…putrify our hearts and minds…”
  37. “Angus Day”
  38. “The peach of the Lord be with you all”.
  39. “A reading from the book of Geniuses”
  40. For a contemporary service at a church I used to work at, the secretary had typed the name of the song “Her I am to Worship.”
  41. Anus Dei”
  42. Greater love hath no man than this, that a man should lay down his wife for his friends.”
  43. “What a Fiend We Have in Jesus.”
  44. “The mighty Bod” instead of The mighty God”
  45. “…and lead us into temptation…”
  46. “Joyful joyful we adore three” at a friends 3rd wedding
  47. “I am the alfalfa and the omega”
  48. “Please Rise and Sin”
  49. Requesting volunteer support for an upcoming set of noonday organ concerts: “Insert your an active participation in these rectal happenings.”
  50. For those visiting the shit-ins make sure and arrive early.
  51. “Stank up for Jesus”
  52. “Pam’s Angelicus”
  53. Postlude: Is there one? If so, I’ll play a little Christmas tune. Found in all 500 Christmas Eve bulletins at a Presbyterian Church in NJ sometime in the 1990s.
  54. The week before Daylight Savings Time was to start, the biggest church in our town put a reminder in the bulletin to “set your clocks forward next Sunday.” Only they left the L out of “clocks.”
  55. There is a Bomb in Gilead”
  56. Our Church News had an unfortunate typo when they gave the name of a baby born into our congregation; her middle name, Louise, was spelled “Louse”.
  57. “Please bring all good children and adult books to the fellowship hall for Tanzania.”
  58. Birth and death dates: 2098-2001. Should have been 1898-2001.
  59. Ash Wednesday bulletin – “We confess that we may have sinned against you in thought, word, and deed.”
  60. Confessions will be hard from 4-5 pm on Saturday.
  61. “Friday is Adult Movie Night!”
  62. “Crown him with many thorns”
  63. “All hail the power of Jesus’ name / Let angels prostate fall…”
  64. “I upped my tithe this year. Up yours.”


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