It's been a long long school year and it's not quite over, although almost, and so I thought I'd do one of those laborious moment by moment/blow by blow accounts of an average day. I love it when other people do this, mostly because it gives me a further opportunity to feel anxious about my own life, but also because it's so interesting to see how other people live. Anyway, here's a glossy account of yesterday as best as I can remember it.
5am Matt creeps in a puts down the tea tray including a cup, the smaller metal tea pot, a milk pitcher. I realize I will have to wake up or the end of the world will come. Flip open the bible app and listen to like 25 psalms while pretending to try to still sleep. Finally pry my eyes open and face down the tea.
6am The moment of really opening the eyes and trying to think of stuff to write. Toil along for the whole hour, putting down words and erasing them. Continue on with the rest of the pot of tea.
7am Writing spoiled by Matt coming up to take a shower with some kind of podcast going very loudly, or so it seems to me. Give him a long paddington stare which he doesn't even observe. Finally get something on the page and try to climb out of bed toward the end of the hour.
8am Suffer through three quarters of the hated and loathed thirty day shred level two. Spend part of it lying on the floor watching Jillian Michaels and just letting waves of rage wash over me. Know that excercise is supposed to produce some kind of happiness so why doesn't it, I always ask myself. Hear the children shouting and fighting over their breakfasts of bagels and cornflakes and hot chocolate. Stagger into the shower, body and mind destroyed by the horrible shred. Shout in turn to each child that comes to tattle that they're not allowed to tattle and I can't hear them anyway. Finally Matt comes up and shouts that he's taken away all their iPods and that they're all weeping but at least they're finally actually eating breakfast. Rush downstairs at 8:45 to make myself a fried egg and Aldi sausage and a second full pot of tea, the bigger blue pot. Tell the boys that if they don't get the kitchen done in one hour they will never get their iPods back ever ever ever again. Rejoice that we gave them iPods for this moment. The chief reason to give a child an iPod, that I can see, is so as to be able to take it away again.
9am Struggle to Tuesday Bible Study bearing the tray of tea, a large book with bits of paper, and my church basket full of odds and ends. Lay everything out carefully on the table, push Go Live on the podcast and sit back to paint my nails, listen, and drink the whole pot of tea. Look, I can stop with the caffeine any time. Don't judge me. Manage two coats of nail polish in the course of the hour. Become teary over the state of my sinful soul and grateful that Matt is such an excellent bible teacher. Say to myself, as I do every time, “this is my favorite hour of the week”. Remember to mentally insert quotes as I'm talking to myself. Watch Elphine and Gladys across the room drawing and listening. Pray they don't understand everything, especially Abraham trying to pass off his wife as his sister, again.
10am Wander back home. Shout that we are starting school Right Now. Sit back in frustration watching Romulus struggle into the room with All the Legos. Try to begin with prayer. Have to keep stopping to deal with fights breaking out over the Legos. Remind everyone we're not here to do Legos and if they can't concentrate and pay attention the Legos will have to go away. Pause every other breath to shout at the little girls to Go Away and Play. Do manage to get through a chapter of Tom Sawyer, three chapters of life of fred and a bunch of test prep questions.
Noon Suddenly realize it's my turn to make lunch and abruptly call a halt to school. Rush around the kitchen trying to pull together Tacos for Taco Tuesday. Discover that Matt is frustrated because he needs to already be working on his sermon but he's waiting because I said I would have lunch going early. Continue to wildly rush around. Everyone actually sits down around 12:40. Try to both each lunch, keep up a steady stream of tacos going for the children, and tell them to stop shouting without myself screaming.
1pm Make the children go in and clean the kitchen. Matt decides he'll start writing at 1:30. We sit and stare at each other and try to remember if there was anything we wanted to say. 1:40 arrives and we both finally drag ourselves up, me to the laundry, Matt to his sermon. Spend a few minutes wandering around the laundry room in anger and sorrow.
2pm Wander back up stairs and shout to Gladys that she has to come read. Sit down with a third pot of tea, one headphone in listening to something to keep myself awake, place my finger on the page, grit my teeth and listen to Gladys read. Patiently remind her, word after word, that she could already be playing and that stopping with each word to comment, wiggle, and complain, is why we're both so miserable. Get through two paragraphs in forty minutes. Finally send her away before something bad happens. Go back to the laundry.
3pm Back up from the laundry, shouting at everyone that there's more school work. Force piano practice, reading and paragraph writing. Read a snatch of a book myself, two words at a time, in between telling children to stop talking and start working.
4pm Usual Tea with friend but this time only drink two cups. Feel pleased about being able to walk away from half a pot of tea. Constantly interrupted by stream of children coming in from outside to tell me about a stray dog, some new kids, the stray dog, the names of the new kids, can I have a chocolate roll up, there's a stray dog, it has a little collar, there's a new kid…Finally shout that if everyone doesn't go outside and stay outside no one will ever be returned their iPod ever ever ever.
5pm Usual Tea with friend comes to a bitter and sad end as we both have to face the rest of our lives. Take a moment to read Matt's sermon and then just sit, staring at the wall.
6pm Rejoice that because we have lunch now we don't have to have supper. Take the dog for a walk. Meet the new children in the church parking lot. Divide all the children into two groups, those who will be staying outside, and those who will be going into the church to play while there's a meeting.
7pm Creep away from the meeting to shut the doors on the pack of shouting children who can't play without being as loud as is humanly possible. Try not to make eye contact.
8pm Meeting winds to a close. Rush home to get warm. Slouch in my chair deciding whether or not to read an evening story. Finally decide to after all. Have to keep pausing to break up fights over blocks and crayons. Read two stories.
9pm Stagger up to bed. Shout at the children that if they don't be quiet and go to sleep no one will ever get their iPod back ever ever ever. Try reading the news but give up and look at the comics of the day. Fall dead asleep praying that everyone sleeps and no Binghamtonians spend the night outside our windows screaming and cussing and screaming. Beg God for some quiet some day in heaven.
Oh my word, enough with the constant Legos.
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