7 The Internet is Nuts Takes

7 The Internet is Nuts Takes April 28, 2017

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It’s Friday, for true, but that just means that the real work starts for me–so how bout some Takes.

One
Synod is next week. Should I use an exclamation point? I’m not sure. All I know is I’ve got stuff to do. Lots and lots and lots of stuff. Of all the stuff, though, the most important is availing myself of a shovel and getting out there and digging up the hostas in my Binghamton Garden. Truly, I cannot bear for them to get one leaf fluffier. I was going to do it last summer, of course, but I didn’t have time. Now that synod is down my throat, I can’t think of a more opportune moment. If you get here and look in my garden and see that they’re still there, you will know what a failure I am. This single task is the measure of my true competence as a person.

Two
Speaking of measuring people’s worth…just kidding, I don’t really have anything more to say about that at all. What I really wanted to do was congratulate Tish on her very fine article in CT yesterday. She, rather mildly I thought, suggested that the church come to grips with the kingdom of the interwebs, with the immense riches of the hundreds of voices chattering away. Surely the church should be able to confer some accountability and legitimacy to those publicly writing and speaking in an orthodox way, even the woman with a blog. The article was well reasoned and an important opening for what CT hopes will be an interesting and upbuilding conversation.

Unfortunately, rather than welcoming sanity into the Christian world, many on Twitter succumbed to the vapors and began shouting, to quote Sampson and the Church Mice, ‘Patriarchy! Floods! Earthquakes! Mice! Students! Horror!’ (I need to go back and look up the actual quote.) Honestly, not to blatantly self promote, but the response was exactly what Matt and I talked about on our podcast on Monday. It’s like we were prophets or something. (Emphasis on Or Something)

Three
My favorite tweet from yesterday was the person who really and truly said (and there’s no way I can go find it in the haystack of tweets) in response to the article,
“I can’t even today.”
That is so fantastic. I love love, as I have said many times, that modern discourse, that millennia of human communication, has come to This Moment. This is my Favorite.

Four
Got to go out to lunch yesterday. By myself with a friend and not with all the children. The youngest laid the guilt on thick as I was leaving, wrapping her arms around my waist and gazing up with tears in her eyes, lip quivering, to ask why she couldn’t come, didn’t I Want her to come? To which I replied that I absolutely did not want her to come. Why would I bring her to a lunch with My friend? No way no how buster. She seemed shocked.

Anyway, this little restaurant, with delicious food mind you, was So Hipster. I didn’t know Binghamton could engender this level of Pure Hipster. I mean, if even I can identify the hipster, you know it’s probably about to jump the shark. Or maybe already has.

Truly, I enjoyed myself enormously.

Five
I have spent the whole week running away from ads for the Handmaiden’s Tale or whatever it’s called. It took me a few days to remember that I could mute it. It kept just automatically playing no matter where I was online. What about my browsing history, I wondered over and over, makes Facebook and twitter think I would want to watch this thing? Is it a movie? Or a series? Whatever it is it looks utterly ghastly. Finally broke down and badly skimmed an article explaining what it was.

Not going to read the book. Not going to watch the thing. Don’t really understand the plot…so, let me recap from my vantage point. The maker of this series/book thinks that we’re in a dystopian reality brought about by Trump wherein women cannot or will not have babies and so force other women to have them for them? And this is Trump’s fault? Not, say, 100 years of planned parenthood propaganda? I’m confused, but not so much that I will try even one tiny minute to understand more. Please, make that creepy red dress and white bonnet go away.

Six
Similarly irritated by that little girl facing down the bull statue controversy. Here is a really good article about it. But honestly, (and I know other people have already said this) the fact that it is a little girl facing down the bull is so dumb and patronizing. Stop with the Girl business–the girl power, the girl this, the girl that. I’m not sure who to blame but there must be someone. If you wanted to really consider Women, you would have needed to have a Woman, or even a Lady, facing down the bull. Which is still dumb unless she were holding a gun. I mean, the utter foolishness of the image of a little girl, with the dummy refrain floating around all feminist discourse right now of ‘nevertheless she persisted’ is almost beyond fathoming. Don’t persist, you maroon, if you’re about to be run over by a bull. Is there some other more strategic action you could maybe take? So as not so be destroyed? Makes me think of the modern woman: nevertheless she was an idiot.

Seven
So, I guess I should stop now or I’ll offend some more people. I am happy to report that there will be blogging next week–interesting and fascinating blogging, blogging you will Absolutely Love. So don’t just stop clicking because you imagine that I’ll be busy. But for now, go check out better and less offensive takes.

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