Well, I had a lovely few days away with the loveliest people in the world. The weather was charming and the food was delicious and whatever it was I said seemed to make sense at the time, which is a peculiar experience for me, given that the people I speak to most around here are my children, and to them, I seem wildly incomprehensible and probably speaking some other language entire.
I left the golden breezes of the south and arrived back to flurries of snow, ice sparkling off the road on the midnight ride home. Fortunately, many of my so-called friends have been sending me the new wellness trends, and it seems fitting that I would pass them along to you.
The first one I might have linked yesterday. It is called Ear Seeds, and it appears to be some sort of self-applying acupuncture. As far as I can tell, you buy some very expensive magnets or vaccaria flower seeds, “often covered with gold or crystal,” and then apply them to pressure points in your ears, and they take away all your stress and misery:
Ear seeding, a form of auriculotherapy, draws inspiration from the ancient Chinese tradition of acupuncture and acupressure, according to the US National Library of Medicine. Its goal is to stimulate the reflex centers of the brain to relax the nervous system. “The ears hold a reflexology map just like the hands and feet,” Mona Dan, acupuncturist and founder of Vie Healing, an acupuncture spa and clinic based in Los Angeles, told “Good Morning America.”
And also, “grounding,” they will help you feel “grounded.” Probably the more you spend on them, the better they work. Believe me, as the veins were popping out of my kneck last night at 11 pm as I tried to gently encourage the child who was trying to make that midnight school deadline, if Jesus didn’t come through for me, I would totally have had to turn to the ear seed option.
I mean, not to knock acupuncture or therapy or anything, which I have never tried for stress relief, but if you are really dealing with anxiety and stress, I would hope that you would take some other major steps to cope with that before turning to ear seeds. Like maybe go to church, and also exercise. But truly, don’t ask me because I’m pretty stressed.
The second one appears to be local to me, and also insane. People up here are apparently not cold enough, and are paying for something called Cryotherapy:
Also not recommended for people like me, who know better, and who would rather spend their hard-earned cash on another firelog and a big mug of cocoa. Truly, this astonishes me. I’m sure that the thing we need most up here is the gentle heat that relaxes the muscles, the little bit of humidity that keeps the lungs from seizing up and never working properly again. I mean, obviously I’m not a medical person, but I’m pretty sure this is not a brilliant idea. Again, if you have extra cash on hand…I have so many suggestions for you.
Cryo Works owner Megan Vanvolkinburg says the three minute full body cryotherapy session is worth the chill. “It’s the use of nitrogen gas to help cool the body and help with inflammation, recovery from sports injuries, its good for the skin,” she told 12 News. “It’s also great for a really good mood boost and also a nice night’s sleep.” Vanvolkinburg says cryotherapy is not for everyone. It’s not reccomended for people with certain health conditions, so she says to go over your health history with your technition if you want to try it.
And finally, saving the best for last, here is something completely ridiculous.
Well, at the moment, whenever this thought crosses your mind, you can simply sit and have some time to rest, you just need to get your hands on a revolutionary onesie that has hit the markets. The makers of this strange fashion accessory wanted its users to have the chance to sit anywhere at any given time. This might be the most effective and the most permanent solution you can have as far as sitting convenience goes. So, the long lines at the movies or other places should not make your legs scream in agony. You can simply sit right where you are with this onesie, thanks to its comfortable inbuilt seat.
You have to click the link. You Have To. It’s a green onesie option, with a beanbag attached. I guess this is technically not coming to us from the industrial wellness complex, like you won’t be able to buy this from goop or Kon Mari, but wouldn’t it be great if you could? Maybe they could sell a version sprinkled in gold dust.
And truly, there are so many times I wish I could just sit down, and there is just not time or place. I need this for church when I’m running back and forth through the Parish Hall, or picking over the lunchmeat after the service, and get talking to someone, but the two of us can’t seem to shift over the five feet between the food table and the brown metal chairs, because we never get to see each other, and so have to talk right then or the moment will pass, but my feet are on fire because I opted for the cute heels instead of the sensible winter boot, what I really need is a chair attached to the back of my church attire. I could just lower to the floor, my mouth full of cucumber, mayonnaise, and ham, and keep talking. I think we should also get this for the choir because they have to stand up and sit down so often. I’m bringing this to the vestry.
Well, hem, that’s all there is for this morning. I’m off to scrape ice off my car. I’m calling it Cryotherapy, and believe me, I am crying. Have a lovely day!