Sometimes we Christians get a little confused on best practices for alienating those who don’t agree with us. The Bible is clear: sometimes it is just our faith itself that’s the offensive bit. But we don’t need to leave it at that. Here are six simple moves that help ensure that the non-Christian people around you find your Christianity thoroughly annoying.
1. The bait-and-switch
In this move, you invite unsuspecting non-Christians to an event that is actually some kind of church service without telling them what it is. You might invite some music-loving non-Christians to a “concert” that is actually a praise-and-worship band jam session with an altar call. As soon as they hear those three chords and the truth, they’ll be pretty pissed.
2. The direct hit
Sure, those strangers appear to be thoroughly enjoying their evening out in the city. That’s the perfect time to interrupt them and ask where they think they would end up should they both be hit and killed by a vehicle that night.
3. The pop culture tie-in
This can take many forms, including but not limited to t-shirts that only APPEAR to be emblazoned with the same popular logo as many other t-shirts but which ACTUALLY contain a hidden Christian message.
4. The martyr complex
Complain a LOT about how post-Christian American society is, and especially about how no one cares about that highly endangered holiday, Christmas. Also talk about how you feel like such a minority in this godless land of ours.
5. The worldview plunge
I have heard this one best employed by some young Bible college students who, approaching the barista with spiky dyed hair said “Cool hair! Do you believe in Absolute Truth?”
6. The inside baseball
In this move, swarm the unsuspecting non-Christian with every Christian cliche in the book (“We’d just like to come alongside you in this season and love on you as we do life together,” or, if you’re not THAT kind of Christian, use as much theological jargon as you can think of (justification, propitiation, and depravity are good choices.)
I’m sure there are many more ways to annoy people who don’t happen to be Christians. Feel free to add your own ideas in the comments!