CLOSE THE DOOR! YOU’RE LETTING THE FLIES IN!

Summertime in Oklahoma would be more honestly known as “Fly Season”. They’re everywhere. Every house looks like the set of the Amityville horror with the swarms on the windows. We killed 32 this morning. 32! and this is a regular day. We’ll probably massacre 20 or more this afternoon before the Computer Guy gets home.

I hate flies. They’re nasty. They eat poop and throw up on stuff, and my husband has OCD….do you have any idea what it is like to live with an OCD person during fly season? I don’t believe you can even imagine it. I see-saw between being annoyed and amused like a schizophrenic who’s off her meds. (Darn it…I missed a doctor’s appt. this morning. I’m losing it here people.)

The kitchen door is always open. Always. I scream at people to close it. I beg. I bribe. I yell obscenities in the hopes that the shock will make them finally listen. Who keeps leaving the blasted door open?! &^%$#@*^!!!!!!

The dog. The dog has learned to open the door and let herself outside. She never listens to me any more than the children do, so she leaves it open in case she needs back inside. Air condition the outside? Yes, please! The dog!!!! I never knew she was this smart.

I’ve been grounding children all week for letting her outside when the garage was open and letting her run the neighborhood. They haven’t. I watched her yesterday. She hears the garage door open and lets herself out just as nicely as you please. She goes on a jaunt down the street, sniffs a few behinds, and then meanders her way home again.

I don’t need this. I already have 5 children conspiring against me to drive me insane, lock me in an institution and steal the house. Now I find out that the dog is in on it too.

She’s always been a little odd, but what can you expect from a boxer/beagle mix that was abandoned by her mother and nursed by a cat? She’s going to be off a bit mentally….don’t you think? We used to think she was cute but dumb…now we know that she was just lulling us into a false sense of security so that she would be poised to take over…..

Here’s a picture of Grace, our criminal mastermind: