The Stench of Home

People get very attached to their homes. That’s kind of an understatement. People fall in love with their homes, especially when they’ve lived there a long time. Their houses become a labor of love and a reflection of themselves. So how do you tell someone that you like their house…but….it stinks. It reeks.

We’ve found a great house. Nice floor plan. Excellent neighborhood. Close to the new job. Less than we wanted to spend. A bargain. Except for the stench of cigarettes that permeates the entire house.

The seller has to know it. How do you live in a house with 3 chain smokers and no one tells you? We had to keep walking out of the showing for fresh air because we couldn’t breathe. They have to know…don’t they? Surely they have friends who politely ask them to open the windows, or an honest real estate agent who tells them to air the place out. I hope.

That way our offer won’t offend them so badly that they don’t sell the house to us. All the carpet that they put in will have to come out. The scent lingers forever in the fibers, we need a flooring allowance. The air ducts are coated with smoke and the gunk cigarettes leave behind, they’ll have to be professionally cleaned. How do they not take it personally when we tell them that their house smells so badly that we can’t buy it any other way? I would be hurt and offended. I would take it as a personal judgment against me. I hope they don’t.

I’m sure they are very nice people. They’re in their 70’s and were really nice the one time we met them in passing. Maybe they were faking it just to sell their house…but I don’t think so.

I want to write them a note. “Dear sellers, You house is exactly what we’re looking for. We can see why you love it so very much. It’s a great house. I know you built it and take great pride in it and I can easily see why. The thing is…as much as we like your house, we like breathing just a bit more. It’s kind of necessary. If you can help make the house ‘lung-friendly’ then we’d like to buy it. And would it be too much to ask for y’all to smoke outside from now ’til closing? Thanks, the Mom and Co.”

Say a prayer and cross your fingers, we’re making an offer tonight….