Still Purging

We are now a one car family. At some point that second car becomes a convenience and a status symbol rather than a true necessity. That realization, plus the master cylinder going out, helped us to make the leap and reduce to one car.

I have twinges of anxiety about losing my freedom of movement, moments of feeling caged in and a bit trapped. Then I calm down and force myself to get over it. I am trying to be logical and frugal and give up those things which are separating me from that which should be important. A car at my ready disposal does just that.

It is too easy for me to become bored with my routine and declare a spontaneous school holiday and unplanned field trip to the zoo. Or for me to become restless and decide that our shopping trip to the grocery store can’t wait until the afternoon, or let my McDonald’s french fry craving get the best of me. That convenient car in the driveway is a constant temptation to me. It is an addiction. “Hi, I’m the mom and I’m addicted to going anywhere I want anytime I want, and hang the consequences.”

Today, I’m an addict in withdrawal. I can feel myself becoming a better mother and a better homemaker because of it. This lack of movement is forcing me to refocus my energies on my children and my home. I can’t run in circles and spin my wheels for the fun of it. I have to be present here in this moment because there is nowhere else to go.

I am in the midst of trying to become the person God planned for me to become. It is a painful process in some ways, but I am narcissist enough to find it completely interesting. I am learning to be fully present in the place and time I am in, to be fully invested in whatever it is that I am doing and not allow my mind to run ahead of my day. As I continue to find, there is a peace to letting go of stuff, a freedom to not having possessions to care for and plan for and think about.

We are a one car family now, and I am becoming the kind of person who is in love with that.