Shoved to Them
Updated!
I want to bite the children’s heads off. In other words, nothing much has changed so I thought we’d play a round of “One of these things is not true.”
1. I have a scar on my ankle from a rope burn I got when a cow dragged me across a corn field.
True
I was 11 and moving my grandmother’s pet calf from grazing under one tree to graze under another when she got spooked and took off running. My foot was caught in a loop of rope and I got dragged through the corn field until she calmed down. Too bad I didn’t think to let go of the rope.
2. My earliest memory is watching some guy bash in the head of a snake with a rock. It never bothered me, I thought the snake had it coming. I think I was about 3.
True
We lived in Subic Bay in the Philippines when my Dad was in the Navy. Our house was right across the street from the jungle. My earliest memory is of the guard chasing a very large venomous snake across the street and throwing a rock at it and ultimately killing it. I remember being more shocked that the rock had dented the neighbor’s VW Beetle than that someone would chase down and kill a snake.
3. I once drove for 3 miles with a cop chasing me. I couldn’t hear his sirens because the top was down and the radio was blasting.
True
Atascosa County, Texas. It’s hard to hear the sirens with the top down at 80 MPH.
4. I carry Super Glue in my purse for emergency first aid. It’s less traumatic than stitches.
True
A little tip I got from our family doctor. You can glue most cuts back together unless they’re bleeding profusely.
5. I was our Junior High School mascot, a Bobcat. The head was hot and stinky.
True
What more is there to say?
6. I didn’t wear a wedding veil because I thought it would be hypocritical.
True
After living with my fiance for a year and a half, I thought that wearing a sign of purity and virginity would be a bit much.
7. I have a small tattoo of Tigger that matches my college roommate’s tattoo of Winnie the Pooh. If she’ll show hers, I’ll show mine.
This is the FALSE one! My college roommate did have a Pooh tattoo, and I did go to get a Tigger one. I chicken out when the girl in the chair, who was getting a spider tat on her skull, said “It’s so cool. You can feel the skin rip when they do the straight lines.”
8. I had a pet snake named “Herman” who quickly found a new home when he got out of his cage and curled up on my chest as I slept. Waking up to a snake on yuor chest is not recommended by the American Heart Association.
True
A snake named Herman who scared years off of my life. Puppies are fun to cuddle up with. Snakes are not.
9. The only reason I got to keep my first dog was because she showed up on the 4th of July so my parents couldn’t call the pound.
True
We named her Sparkle, and she was the best dog I’ve ever had.
10. I lived for 4 months on Lay’s potato chips drenched in lemon juice. It may sound gross, but their new Limon flavor tastes pretty much the same.
True
First baby. Weird cravings. Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it. I still eat this from time to time.
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