Throw a Napkin On It

Women are not sexually attracted visually.  We don’t see a beautiful man and think nothing but lustful thoughts for the rest of the day.  There’s a reason why there are no truly viable female alternatives to Playboy and the rest.  We just don’t work that way.  Men are attracted through their eyes and women through our brains.  Ask Cyrano de Bergerac and he would tell you, women need words, action, and a lot more words.

This makes it difficult for us to understand the temptation that visual things are to men.  We just don’t work that way, and so we advocate that all men need is stronger self control.  Men simply need to take custody of their eyes and control of their biology.  Why can’t men be more like us?  After all, we can look at gorgeous men and then go back to discussing important things, like politics or shoes.  Lets put it to the test shall we?

Are you reading again already?  What was that?  30 seconds? a minute?  Are you like me and your eyes keep darting up there but you can carry on with reading anyway?  It’s because our brains are wired differently.  It can be hard for us to understand the temptation we become when we flash cleavage fore or aft.  We just don’t look at men the way they look at us.

But we look at pie that way.

We look at food and know what it is to lust after something we see.  The soft creamy texture of cheesecake topped with fresh berries

the warm melty gooey-ness of fresh from the oven chocolate chip cookies

delightfully decadent, rich and sinful chocolate cake

Whether it’s the creamiest pudding, hot and salty french fries, or a perfectly aged and grilled steak, women can’t take their eyes or their minds off of food.  It is our temptation and our mistress.  We know the truth about why women read cookbooks from cover to cover like a novel.  It’s food porn.

If there is a plate of something tasty on the table and a fork nearby, I can hardly concentrate on anything else.  No mater how interesting the conversation, my mind will wander again and again to the sight of the meringue on the coconut cream pie in all its silken goodness.  My resolve will falter, my gaze linger.  The thought of sight, smell, texture, taste….all of it, will consume my mind.  I will eat bite after savory bite without being conscious of the quantity and to hell with calories and the consequences!

I learned long ago to throw a napkin over it.  When the cravings hit me and the doughnuts call my name, the only thing I can do is to remove it from my sight.  I have to actually leave or conceal the object of my desire or it will be in my mouth and I won’t remember how it got there.  The remorse will set in as I lick the last crumbs from the fork, but by then it is too late.

This is how women’s bodies are for men.  Boobs are the chocolate cake.  The small of our backs are the pie.  We have to help them out and throw a napkin over it.  They’re on a diet, ladies.  A strict meal plan of just one course.  We know how difficult it is to ignore the goodies on the table.  We know how hard it is to resist just that one little taste of goodness.  We know how hard it can be.  Don’t we owe them the favor of covering it up and making their self-control a bit easier to manage?  The next time you ask someone to take away dessert to help you resist temptation, use it as a reminder to make sure your own goodies are covered up and off the table, too.