Finding the Balance

After 19 years with my husband, I’d like to think I know him pretty well.  I think I do, so why do I have to keep reminding myself of the lessons I’ve already learned?  How many times do I need to learn them before they stick.  (Note to self : The Computer Guy is not me.  Thank goodness.)  The differences in our personalities are never more apparent than when we are dealing with stress.

I am an information hoarder.  I want to find, read, and hang onto every scrap of information I can possibly find.  (Dr Google and I have become fast friends in the last few weeks.)  I want to be warned of every possibility, every pitfall.  I want to meet the challenges of life head on and armed with all the knowledge I might possibly require.  Life is an often treacherous journey and I want the map.

My husband is the complete opposite.  He wants just as much information as the moment requires.  He wants to deal only with the facts at hand and not get distracted by all the possibilities.  He feels that he has plenty of time to learn what he needs when the time comes and that Dr Google will just cause us to waste our time by leading us in the wrong direction.

It kills me.

I have done my usual furious research.  I’m learning terminology and possibilities.  I’ve discovered alternate therapies and new things to look into.  I have so much information I want to share with him.  I feel the psychological need to dump all that I’ve learned into his lap so that we can sort it out together.

He shakes his head and tells me to stop.  We’re not ready for all of that.  The treatment she is on hasn’t even been given a chance to work yet.  He tells me that I’m getting worked up over things which may not ever apply to our situation.  He just asks what he needs to know right this minute, reads that bit and goes on.

Which is why he’s the sane one, and I’m the one who deals with doctors.

We need to strike a balance somewhere between knowing enough to be mistaken for someone with an actual medical degree (happened to me twice when #2 was in the NICU) and relying on the doctors to know everything and having no input.  I’m not sure what that looks like though.  How do I know when I have enough knowledge to be an advocate for my daughter and not enough to be dangerous, and how do I convince my husband that he needs to know it, too?