I’ll Bet PETA’s Behind This

I don’t want to start widespread panic, but there’s a tick out there biting people and turning them into vegetarians.

Really.

Go check it out.

Are you back?  Are you as scared as I am?  One tick bite and no more burgers?  Seriously? I’m not sure I could go on in a life without hamburgers.

I smell a plot here.  An evil, mad scientist kinda plotty plot plot.  PETA’s behind it.  I just know it.

I just know that their slimy hands are all over this.  It’s so obvious!  And yes, their hands are slimy.  They don’t eat meat, they only eat veggies.  Veggies are green.  Pond scum is also green.  Pond scum is slimy……Why do I have to explain this to you?  It’s so obvious!

PETA got some mad scientist guy to cook up a tick and then as further proof of their evil, they named it after Texas.

Because as we all know, Texas is where South Fork Ranch is, and South Fork ranch is where they have some cattle, and cattle are what we make into yummy hamburgers and PETA hates hamburgers!  So PETA hates Texas! and they mock us with this evil creature who makes people forever unable to eat those tasty burgers!

(Pant! Pant! Gasp!)

The horror of this is overwhelming to me.  There’s only one thing to do about all of this.

Go shopping.  (That’s right…I’m dealing with my fear through retail therapy….judgy judger person….)

But here’s where I’m smart….that tick picture is on grass!  Know where grass is? Outside.  Guess what’s not outside? The mall with its air conditioning and shoe stores.

Shoe stores!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you need to find me, that’s where I’ll be….trying on some size 7.5’s and looking for the perfect little black pumps…..made of LEATHER!  so take that PETA and your evil plot tick!

Seriously….I’m not going outside until the threat has passed, or until summer is over…..which is okay with me because this is Texas and it’s just too darn hot here to be outside.