Useless

I have come to the conclusion this past week that the stress migraine is the most useless stress response EVER! Unfortunately, it’s the one that I’ve got.

Fight or flight make sense to me….there’s a bear that wants to eat you…you fight the bear or you run away.

The zombies are after you…you fight them…or you run away.

The house catches on fire …well, you get the idea…

I don’t do any of these things. In the midst of a scary crisis, I collapse into a puddle of goo, holding my head and sobbing from the pain. Which accomplishes what…exactly? This is not helpful, and I’m not sure how this little gem got passed on to me through the beauty of genetics.

I’m actually not sure how my people lived long enough to produce me, because our stress response looks like:

The bear is chasing me! Quick, curl up on the floor in the fetal position holding your head and sobbing! …. Get eaten by the bear.

The zombies are after you! Stumble around blindly because the light hurts your eyes muttering ow..my brain..my brain… Okay, it could totally work as camouflage in the case of zombie apocalypse. I’ll give you one.

But house on fire? Bar-be-que.

Completely and utterly useless.

At least to myself. My 13-year-old son pointed out last night “I can see how that’s bad for you, but let’s be honest, it kinda works for the rest of us. In the case of a full on bear uprising, we know who’s the bait.”

Nice.