Dear Husbands – It’s Not Really About the Flowers and the Chocolate

I was up very early this morning to hit the grocery store before my family was up and about, and already there were men there looking bewildered by the puny last minute options of wilted flowers and picked over chocolates. I could see from their rising panic that they just wanted to not get in trouble for procrastinating/forgetting Valentine’s Day. As the guy in front of me in the check out line debated with himself (out loud) between a stuffed bear and a stuffed frog, all I could think of was how he’d missed the point. They’d all missed the point.

What most of those women waiting at home would tell these men, if they were asked, is that it’s not really about getting the right flowers, candy, or (heaven help us) stuffed animal. All women really want for Valentine’s Day is to be seen.

For most of us, our days are spent pouring ourselves into our families and our jobs, and the fact that we are woo-able women gets overlooked and forgotten. What women I know really want for Valentine’s Day is for the men we love to say “I see the woman that you are beneath the layers of mom-hood and career. That woman is still attractive. She’s still worth pursuing. She’s still worth planning and making an effort for. All the hats you wear don’t take away from the woman that I see when I look at you.” How he says it isn’t as important as the fact that it’s said in any way at all.

While the naysayers decry the fact that Valentine’s Day is a “holiday made up by the greeting card companies,” there is a point to it that they’re overlooking. In a world which is so fast paced that the people we love often get overlooked, Valentine’s Day serves as a reminder to slow down and recall what brought you together in the first place.

There are times when we all need a nudge from days like today  to remind us that the people in our lives are more than the roles that they play. And, gentlemen, there’s nothing quite so romantic as knowing that the person you really are is still visible and still really loved.

(P.S. If you’re still looking for reasonably priced flowers in a place that’s open all day and will still have red roses, call the florist near the cemetery. They don’t jack up their prices for the holiday, and no one will think to shop there. They always have the prettiest flowers – Valentine’s Day or Mother’s Day. You don’t have to tell her where you bought them. You’re welcome.)