Why I Used to Hate FTD (the flower people)

***Update****She got free flowers, and a phone call from the Vice-President of FTD for on-line orders personally apologizing to my mother-in-law for not getting the order there on time. It took 2 hours on the phone, five people up the chain of command and my saying, “Do you have a computer with internet access? You do? Then type in http://www.patheos.com/blogs/rebeccafrech …..I’ll wait.” Immediate results! I love this blog. It has power! It was either that or all the calls flooding customer service. Either way..pretty cool. She liked the flowers. They were pretty. She was happy..The End

I sent my mother-in-law flowers for Mother’s Day. A lovely arrangement of stargazer lilies in a pretty vase. She’s the kind of person who likes to get flowers, it makes her smile every time that she sees them. I am not the kind of person who likes to get flowers, I think they are a waste of money and they die. Send me a gift card instead, please. But she likes them, and I’m okay with sending them to her because I know how much she enjoys getting them.

I usually use proflowers.com. They’re good. Nice flowers, and a lot of them for the price. If you have someone in your life who enjoys flowers, use them. They’re good.

I did not use them. I used FTD. I have never used FTD before, but they had same day delivery, and I confess that I procrastinated ordering the flowers until the Friday before Mother’s Day. Some people would think this makes me forgetful or un-thoughtful, or some other made up word, but I think it means that I am a stay at home mom and have very little clue about the actual date of anything since I never have to write the date down.

I ordered the flowers Friday morning at 7 AM and paid for same day delivery. Not some cheapy bouquet, but $80 worth of springtime beauty. When I forget something, I make up for it. Unless the florist doesn’t deliver the flowers.

That’s right. They never got there. The website said that they could be delivered as late as 9PM because of the holiday. I was okay with that as long as they got there. At 10 after 9:00, I had the oldest child call her and ask “Are they pretty?” We all waited for her to gush, as she usually would.

“Are what pretty, dear?”

“The flowers. Are they pretty?”

“What flowers, sweetheart?”

At this point, #1 looked horrified and handed the phone off to her father who quickly explained that we had sent flowers and they should have arrived that day. We were sure they would be there Saturday and asked her to call us as soon as they arrived.

Saturday. By 2PM, there were still no flowers. I called the 1-800 number for FTD and talked to Mike on the phone. He said “They have until 5:00 to deliver the flowers for today.”

“These were supposed to be delivered yesterday.”

“Oh, shit…excuse me, ma’am. Let me call the florist.” He put me on hold. Did I mention that I had already spent 17 minutes on hold waiting for him to answer the phone in the first place?

“They hung up on me.”

“Who hung up on you, Mike?”

“The florist. She said she was really busy and didn’t have time to talk right now, and she hung up on me, but I’m sure she’ll get them this afternoon.”

“And you’ll refund my credit card….?”

“Of course. But let’s get those flowers delivered first.” I realize that he was hoping the flowers would arrive and I would be so stunned by their loveliness that I wouldn’t ask for my money back. Obviously Mike either doesn’t know me, or Mike’s an idiot.

The flowers never got there. They had special Sunday deliveries and the flowers never got there. I hate FTD. If I didn’t really like my mother-in-law, I’d tell them where exactly they could put their flowers, and I would be anatomically precise about it.

Monday. I called the 1-800 number again. 34 minutes on hold waiting for a human being. Seriously, they need to hire more phone people. I got Seth. I told him my woeful tale and asked for his help. Please I asked him, let my mother-in-law know that we love her. Send her lovely flowers that make her weep in awe at their loveliness. Can you help me, Seth?
“Let me call the florist.” On hold again. Their music sucks in case you were wondering…it’s too loud and plays way too fast. “I talked to the florist and she tried to rush me off the phone, but she promised me that they would be there today.”

“And my refund..? Because, Seth, we’ve missed Mother’s Day now. She sat there on Mother’s Day, with all her children and grand children living in other states, and she didn’t even get flowers from us. It’s after the holiday. You missed the event, so what are you going to do for me to make this right?”

” I can give you 20% back on your credit card and an upgrade on the flowers.”

I almost lost it here. “20% back doesn’t even cover the ‘convenience charge’ for shopping on-line and it doesn’t cover that plus the delivery charge. As for the upgrade, Seth, these better be some f-ing fantastic flowers. They better knock her socks off. Do you know what I mean? YOU’VE MISSED MOTHER’S DAY! I will call you back when she has the flowers to discuss how much of a discount I get. I’ll make you a deal, if she’s crying I’ll take your 20%”

“Have a good day ma’am.”

Okay, so I lost it a bit, but come on…20%? It is now 2:30PM and she still doesn’t have the flowers. I hate FTD. I will never use them again. I am calling on all of you to call FTD and ask them where order #FTE513273 is. Their number is 1-800-736-3383. While you’re on the phone with them, let them know how you feel about companies with bad customer service who let mothers and grandmothers feel unloved on their special day, and tell them you’re using pro-flowers.com from now on, because the Mom uses them and says they’re good, and we all know that Mom’s always right.