Things I’ve Learned

Before we have children, we know it all. We think about all the things we will teach our children, then there are the unexpected things they teach us.

1. Don’t run with your finger up your nose. If you fall you’ll poke your brain.
2. Don’t eat that crayon, it’ll make your poop purple.
3. No, babies don’t bounce.
4. Dogs don’t like to wear dresses. If they love you they’ll do it anyway.
5. Hand soap is a substitute for hair gel.
6. Potty water is good for splashing.
7. Taste everything..the floor, the window, the dog…
8. Yes, farts make bubbles in the bath. Yes, it’s funny.
9. The more uncomfortable the parent, the sounder the baby sleeps.
10. M&M;’s off the floor are fine, at least they won’t kill you.
11. Why walk when you can jump?
12. There is nothing more fascinating to siblings than the baby’s stinky diaper.
13. Bodily fluids are always gross, always funny, and can be talked about with anyone.
14. There is nothing so embarrassing that I can’t live through it.
15. You’ll know you’re really a parent when you catch the puke in your hands.
16. Tape is fun.
17. If you yell your name in Mass, the church echoes.
18. Old church ladies will think it is cute when you yell your name, Mom won’t.
19. A warm blanket and someone to snuggle with are all you really need for a good nap
20. The sound of ripping paper is cool.
21. The sound of dad when he finds you ripping papers is cooler.
22. If you run fast enough, you can run up a wall.
23. If you swing high enough, you might be able to wrap around. We’re not brave enough to try it, but we wish we were.
24. If there are 4 sprinkle donuts, everyone wants glazed. If there is one sprinkle donut, it’s a fight to the death.
25. When looking for a toy, always call it. It can’t hear you, but somehow it helps.