Help

Earlier today I thought out loud in writing.  On Facebook I wrote

 “Just found out that there’s a therapeutic horseback riding place in Wylie with special saddles for JRA patients. Now to figure out how to pay for it…………..”

and an amazing thing happened.  People offered to help foot the bill.  It wasn’t why I wrote it, to ask for money.  With a little sacrifice and juggling around, we could cover it.  Not easily, but we could.

I was overcome by the outpouring of generosity and knew immediately what it was.  It was a sigh of relief.  For the last few months,  readers, family, and friends have watched our unfolding drama and wanted only to help.  They waited anxiously for me to simply ask so that they could happily ease our burdens.  I haven’t asked.

I wonder now if that has been unfair to those around us. Am I taking something away from them by not allowing them to step in? I have watched the private tragedies of others and wished only to step in.  In some way, contributing to their efforts would ease my own worry.  Is it selfish of me not to ask?

I don’t know.  I’m beginning to think it might be.

Several friends suggested I add a paypal link and fund raise on my blog.  They bet it would take only a single day.  A few even made public pledges. 

I cried.

I have no words which can adequately express the love and gratitude I have for all those who were immediately willing and ready to help us and our girl.  We don’t need it today.  We’ve got this one.  By cutting back a bit and giving up a little, we can cover this one.

The reality is that JRA is a lifelong disease and we are 4 months into the battle.  The day may come when we need help, and now I know that all I have to do is ask.  I can’t tell you the comfort and peace that brings me.  But not today.  I would be foolish to exhaust my help on a hill this small when there may be mountains up ahead.

So, my much loved ones, thank you for your offers.  You have shown me that I need to ask more often.  I need to learn to lean on those around me, because they want so desperately to help.  You’ve helped me to see that it is only pride which stops me silent when there are so many willing hands to share this load.

I promise I will ask.  The day will come when I need you, and I love knowing that you are here.  That day is not today.

Thank you.