Christmas Gifts

We’ve received a few early Christmas gifts at our house, and with every box we open I begin to have serious doubts about the people we love.  What are they giving us?  What messages of love are they trying to send? Well…hold onto your hats, because at The Mom’s house we’ve gotten:

1.  laser hair removal –  “I love you enough to want to set parts of you on fire.”
2.  6 lbs of bacon  – “What better way to celebrate the birth of a Jewish boy than with pork?”
3.  lye soap  –  “That perfumey stuff just ain’t cutting the funk.”
4. a key on a bottle opener key chain – just a random key we’re not sure what it unlocks – “I didn’t know what to get you, so here’s a key from my junk drawer.  I thought you might get thirsty trying to figure out what it goes to, so here’s a bottle opener to go with it.”
5. 2 boxes of ammunition – “Merry Christmas.  Now go kill something.”
6. a pair of men’s dress socks –  no clue here ……. LarryD?
7. one dessert plate – just the one – “I thought it was cute and couldn’t afford the whole set.  If the rest of you want pie you’ll have to share.”
8. a gift card to the thrift store – Really?  do I dress that badly? – “Yes, you do.”  – Well, I appreciate your honesty.
9. a bedazzled eyelash curler and tweezer set – “Maybe if your personal grooming stuff was pretty…you’d actually use it…”
10. a flower made out of leather – there’s no explanation for this one – it’s a flower….made out of leather…can we move on?

We love our friends and family because they’re ours and also because they amuse us so much.  Who else do you know that gets this kind of loot the week before Christmas?  I’m kind of hoping it’s a lead up to the awesomeness that awaits us on Christmas morning…..