Back in December, my partner Abe and I went on a mini-vacation to the Creation Museum in Kentucky. We were able to do so because of the kindness of some friends (who let us spend the night at their apartment), and some generous donors who helped me raise the money for the tickets and gas. Special thanks to: Joe and Christy, our friends who let us sleep on their air mattress Anonymous (donor) Teresa Kingsbury (donor) Abe (for accompanying me even though I know he didn’t want to)

Without further ado, here are the 16 Things That Happened When Abe and I Went to the Creation Museum:

1. I wore my “I Kissed Patriarchy Goodbye” shirt (courtesy of Dianna Anderson) 

When you’re a progressive Christian feminist going to the Creation Museum, you wear your “I Kissed Patriarchy Goodbye” shirt. It’s what you do.

2. I learned right away that dragons are REAL. 

The first thing you learn when you walk into the Creation Museum is that dragons exist (or existed). Even before you buy your tickets you start seeing materials that want you to know that dragons are real and possibly hung out with cowboys. Also there are dragons in the Bible. Somewhere. Job probably. Also dragons are actually dinosaurs that coexisted with humans. And somehow this proves that evolution is false. And legends involving dragons, from Beowulf to random accounts from cowboys out west are based in fact probably. Daenerys Targaryen would be happy to learn all of this.

3. I discovered that velociraptors existed but it’s okay, because they were herbivores before Adam and Eve sinned. 

Those scary teeth and claws are just for eating leaves.

In fact, before The Fall, there were no weeds, poisons, or anything else considered “bad”  

4. This. This happened. 

5. I found out that “God’s Word” is apparently threatened by a lot of things. 

Including, but not limited to: –Popular fiction –Scientific theories –“New” religions

–Saddam Hussein –This guy with a shovel?

6. I met my cousin, Lucy (OR DID I?)

7. I found out that, according to the Creation Museum, a “fallen world” looks like graffiti in the inner city, people of color holding guns, and Muslims.

There are some racial implications here that I plan on talking about in another post…   8. 

8. I checked to see if Adam and Eve had genitals or butts (they didn’t)

9. I discovered that the Creation Museum isn’t just about debunking evolution: it’s also about promoting cis/heterosexism and complementarian gender roles

Who’s surprised though, really? Must be why the gift shop carried books like these:  

10. I met this Satan snake.

11. I found out that, thanks to the Satan snake, the world isn’t safe anymore.

Proof the world isn’t safe: –Snarling Wolves   –Tornados. Also heroin. –This wrecking ball that says “Millions of Years” –Reproductive health (remember when I said that the Creation Museum has politic agendas beyond debunking evolution?)   –Bags of drugs. –Gossipy women.

12. I learned some EXTREMELY BIBLICAL facts about how Noah took care of animal poop on the ark.

13. I refrained from buying these t-shirts at the gift shop.

14. I found this Creationist homeschool curriculum

 Ages Pre-K to Adult. Start them while they’re young.

15. This pun. This pun happened.

16. I met this alpaca at the petting zoo. Undoubtably the best part of the trip.

This guy is proof of intelligent design.   That’s all for my trip to the Creation Museum! I hope you enjoyed it, or at least had a couple of laughs/groans. Stay tuned for the next few weeks, as I talk more in detail about some of the agendas that the museum is trying to push (outside of Young Earth Creationism).

*Nearly all images (with the exception of a selfie I took in my car) are from exhibits at the Creation Museum. Photos of the exhibits were taken by either me or Abraham Kobylanski. Photos were only of exhibits where photography and recording were allowed.