Kids are the Bomb

A couple of weeks ago I posted something like this on my facebook page and had a lot of fun with it. I think I need a fun blog today, so I am reposting it here with a few additions. Those of you with multiple children will get this right away. I love my boys, but I find this to resonate so much with me right now. I hope you enjoy it.

So having three kids is like this. Imagine three bombs in your house that are connected to computers. And every now and then you have to enter in a program to defuse the bomb and stop it from going off. When there are only two bombs, you and your spouse can just wait for the warning light and then defuse the bombs. But with three bombs you have to run from bomb to bomb and hope you get there in time to defuse them (by the way the bomb will never be permanently defused so don’t even think about that). And when all three warning lights go off, then you just have to decide which bomb you are going to allow to explode and clean up the mess afterwards. Yeah that is what it is like to have three kids.

10 more facts about bombs, er… kids.

1. The bombs do not care what you are doing. If you are in the bathroom, then tough. If you are taking a nap, then too bad. If you are in the middle of an important conversation, so what? You either defuse the bombs right there and then, or they blow up and you have to clean it up.

2. The damage done by the bombs is not related to the size of the bomb. Sometimes the smallest and youngest bomb can create the biggest mess.

3. You would think that having two of the bombs close together would make it easy to defuse them both. You fool. Often they just feed on each other for a bigger boom. And sometimes in defusing one of the bombs, you guarantee that the other bomb will go off.

4. Once the bombs get old enough, you do not have to worry about them that much during the night. But until then, one of you has to be ready to defuse the bomb at any time during the night. Ignore that bomb at your own peril.

5. If the bombs are all going off at once, there is no guarantee that the bomb with the smallest boom at an earlier time will be the less destructive bomb today. In other words you can guess which bomb you should let go off, but chances are you will be wrong.

6. Sometimes it takes both parents to defuse a bomb. Wouldn’t you know it that often that is the time when the warning light on another bomb goes off. You have to decide if you are going to defuse the new bomb or leave the hapless parent to work desperately, but in vain, to stop the original bomb.

7. The time from the warning light to detonation of the bomb greatly varies. Trying to figure out how much time you have before explosion is part of the joy of defusing bombs (sarcasm).

8. Sometimes people bring their own bombs to your house. They can explode, but they are not your responsibility. There is some amusement at watching others defuse their bombs.

9. Sometimes you try to defuse two bombs at the same time. And occasionally you succeed. That is a big mistake because now you think you can do that all the time. In reality the most likely outcome of trying to defuse two bombs at once is both of them blowing up in your face. You better just choose which one you want to go off and deal with that reality.

10. Sometimes you have parents and in-laws who can defuse the bombs some of the time. They are great to have because you can get a break to eat in peace, sleep or just use the bathroom. But sometimes the bombs require the parent and only the parent so that it can be defused. At that time, break time is over and you just need to buckle up and defuse your bomb.

Well that was fun. Next week I will be back discussing a serous topic. Unless I have been blown up by my bombs.