‘Twas the Night Before Michaelmas

Apologies to Clement Clark Moore

‘Twas the night before Michaelmas, when all through the blog
All the creatures were hoping to see a Balrog;
The Dark Devotional was ready for Friday, so bleak,
(That is if we remember to post it this week);

Good Christians were nestled, all holy and snug,
While we the Sick Pilgrims were cutting a rug;
Jess in her witch hat, and JR with his grin,
Got ready for our favorite season to begin,

But before All Hallow’s and the Month of the Dead,
Before fall leaves and cider and a carved pumpkin head.
The Church hosts a feast forgotten by most,
Celebrating the general of the heavenly host.

An elusive saint, with incredulous fame,
Is mostly unknown, but Michael’s his name.
And if you picture angels as just people with wings,
Then allow the Sick Pilgrims to set straight some things,

Angels are terrifying, not like Botticelli made,
There’s good reason they always said, “Be not afraid.”
And Michael, the Archangel, whose feast tomorrow looms,
Is likely most terrifying, as his battle cry booms;

“Now, Gabriel! now, Raphael! now, Uriel (and the other Seven)!
Down, Lucifer! down Satan! GET THE HELL OUT OF HEAVEN!
Have a nice fall–to the bottomless pit!
Now say adios! Good-bye! You’re gone, piece of shit!”

When remembering angels, our imaginings
Often lead us to models with fluffy white wings,
Scarier than nightmares were the angelic crew,
And you can bet your ass St. Michael was too.

As the angels and other monsters in heaven may hide,
We thank the Father Above that they’re on our side.
And as we all get excited for an autumn-shaded reason,
HAPPY MICHAELMAS SICK PILGRIMS, AND ENJOY YOUR SEASON!

Matt Lafleur is Sick Pilgrim’s resident Cajun and beloved composer of doggerel.