Honk honk!

Honk honk! June 17, 2013

Yesterday, as I pulled into that treacherous intersection that always makes drape my forearm across the steering wheel so I can steer better, I said to myself, “I’m not going to accidentally honk the horn today.  I’m not going to accidentally honk the horn today.”  And then I was all, “AUGHHH, WHY ARE YOU HONKING AT ME, JERK?”  Then, to cover my confusion, I wadded up an old Burger King bag and vehemently threw it into the backseat.  That’ll show ’em.

I’m telling you this story because I want you to know what to expect when you read my blog.

I’ve been blogging for about six years now — most recently for the National Catholic Register.   I sometimes write for various other respectable publications, like Catholic Digest and Our Sunday Visitor, and I wrote the chapter on motherhood for Style, Sex, and Substance.  I speak at conferences and events.  And this fall, I’ll have my first book out:  an ebook and audiobook called The Sinner’s Guide to NFP.

I write about books and more books, art (good and bad), pro-life issues (good and bad), how to raise decent kids and have a decent marriage in an indecent world, and how to tell the difference between coming closer to God, and just copy-catting people’s holiness style; and how to see stuff that you need to see and do the stuff you need to do.  Among other things, I have recently covered the papal conclave, a secular company that’s bucking Obamacare, and, over the years, more posts than you might think it’s possible to write about modesty.

And then sometimes I just write about HONK HONNNK!

I think today is one of those days, and all of you guys out there — you know, my new readers, who have no idea who I am and no particular reason to keep on reading my stuff  — you’re the people in the cars around me.  Just living your lives, following the rules of the road, looking straight ahead so you don’t accidentally make eye contact with the twitchy lady driving the van with all the crooked bumper stickers and the windows that are so smeary, you can’t tell if that’s nine kids inside, or just an enormous amount of car garbage.  Carbage.

Well, before the light turns green, let me introduce myself.  I’m Simcha Fisher.  I’m 38 years old, I’ve been married for fifteen years, and I have both nine kids and a van full of garbage.  I’m a homeschooling failure, a drinker, a sorehead, a slob, a pedant, and, depending on who you ask, a prime example of what’s wrong with religious people, what’s wrong with the Church today, or what will continue to be wrong with the Church tomorrow unless we dooooooooooooo something.

The archives from my old blog should be up soon!  In the mean time, here is what I look like:

and here is what I feel like:


This lady is not me, however.  Repeat:  not me.

My sincere thanks to Elizabeth Scalia the Great for inviting me on!

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  • Will Duquette

    Woohoo! Welcome, welcome!

  • richard

    Congratulations! Looking forward to this new era of writing.

  • Melissa Hunter-Kilmer

    Yay for more opportunities to hear from you! Cuz you rock!

  • Martha Oram

    I don’t know WHO that lady is, but my kids are going to carpool with HER.

  • Aimee Langan

    Excellent! My feed reader is always in need of more Simcha! Congratulations. 🙂

  • disqus_NAVsMmJ24g

    So happy you are here!!! I’ve been a fan for a long time. Now, tell us the story of the little doll in the chair on top of the blog. I have wanted to know for years.

  • Rebecca Mlinek

    Hooray for Patheos! All my favorite bloggers seem to gravitate here sooner or later.

  • Annette Heidmann

    ShaWEET!! 🙂

  • MightyMighty1

    Yay for Simcha! Your link about the “witch” made me laugh aloud. She was thorough!

  • Welcome! I’ve always enjoyed your blogs but probably only saw them when they were linked to New Advent. Now i can see them regularly.

  • chezami

    Glorious news! A thousand welcomes!

  • Louise

    Congratulations from a long-time fan! Love you, Simcha!

  • Irksome1

    What you look like and what you feel like:
    How long before you huff, puff and blow me out of your comments section?

  • Best. Intro. Ever.

    Can’t wait to see what you do over here, Simcha. Probably something you can’t do: make me love you more, cuz I already love you the mostest. {Insert joking/scary wiggly eyebrows here}

  • suburbancorrespondnt

    Fun! Just added your new address to my blog list…

  • Rebecca Fuentes

    So nice to have you here! I’ve been reading you for a while and sure appreciate the humor and wit. Sometimes, sadly, the Patheos Catholic channel is my only adult interaction all day.

  • hamiltonr

    Welcome aboard the good ship Patheos. Happy sailing Simcha!

  • CS

    Grumble, grumble, I hate change.

    (from Corita; I can’t figure out how to change my screenname to match myself from over at NCR. See??!! It’s already problems galore! Gah:Change!!!)

    Oh, um. Anyway, happy for you, Simcha!

  • pagansister

    You certainly got my attention with your picture of the Venus of Willendorf sitting in the chair! She is a favorite of mine—has an honored place in my home. Looking forward to reading your postings—Welcome.

    • disqus_NAVsMmJ24g

      Thanks so much for solving the riddle! Definitely a time when being full-figured was sexy.

      • pagansister

        If you haven’t “Googled” her already, you might enjoy the background info. . 🙂

  • Dan Li

    Now that was an impressive introduction!

  • alishadefreitas

    Yay! Welcome!

  • stefoodie

    So happy to see you here!! — another long-time fan. One more reason to read Patheos!!

  • Stefanie

    to quote a line from Hitchhikers’ Guide film …”THERE you are!”
    Seriously excited about more people getting to know you, Simcha.

  • Evan

    It’s great that you’re here, but is The Jerk coming to Patheos as well?

  • simchafisher

    Gosh, thanks for the warm welcome, everybody! It’s pretty great to be here.
    @Evan, I don’t know about The Jerk. I will ask him next time I see him.

  • Peggy Bowes

    I enjoy your writing, especially the “Pantifesto.” I have another pants-wearing saint to add to Gianna Molla. I’m reading Shower of Heavenly Roses: Stories of the Intercession of St. Therese of Lisieux and one story tells of how St. Therese appeared in a thrift store wearing a baseball cap, a loose shirt and (wait for it…) jeans! If jeans are good enough for a Doctor of the Church, they’re good enough for me. Pants!