At the Register: Baby Got Backstory

MR. BAX AND HIS TOXIC BEANS. In this groundbreaking docufairytale, a race of strong, gentle beings lives undisturbed, practicing basic hygiene and relying on essential oils and whatnot to keep them in good health and systemic balance in their home in the clouds — until Big Pharma, headed by the nefarious Dr. Bax, dupes the gullible population on the ground into believing in “Magic Bax Beans” or, as they come to be known, “Baxeans.” Because of these beans, which grow and proliferate at a $u$piciou$ rate, the peaceful lives of the gentle giants are infiltrated and disrupted forever, and everybody falls down and dies.

If, for some reason, you wish you read the rest, you can find it at the Register.