I’m so proud/horrified (#13 is my favorite)

I’m so proud/horrified (#13 is my favorite) July 30, 2014

The other day, this appeared on the bathroom door:

 

how to poop

 

It was written by my 12-year-old son, who is both very twelve, and very much my son.

Can’t quite make it out? You can either walk away in blissful ignorance, or you can read on, and prepare yourself for the next generation of Fishers. Here is what it says:

 

RULES FOR POOPING IN A STAIN-FREE MANNER

1. Open bathroom door and (using feet) walk in.

2. Close and lock bathroom door.

3. Walk to sink, reach across and turn on light.

4. Walk to toilet.

5. Open lid of toilet.

6. Pull down pants and underwear.

7. Place butt on toilet seat (commonly known as sitting).

8. Concentrate the muscles in the lower region (butt) until [redacted]. Repeat as many times as  necessary.

9. Get wad of toilet paper and wipe away remaining poo. Repeat.

10. Reach for silver thingy on side and pull down (commonly known as “flushing”)

11. Walk to sink and turn on.

12. Rub hands with soap and put under sink until clean.

13. Wipe wet hands on pants.

14. Walk to door and open.

15. Walk out.

Congratulations, YOU POOPED!

TAKE ONE CERTIFICATE
IF YOU HAVE COMPLETED ALL ACTIONS

[I POOPED AND I’M PROUD]

 

I am not sure what, in particular, brought this on. But I noticed that no one has taken a certificate yet.


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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Brian Sullivan

    Hmm, no pulling pants back up?

  • Rebecca Fuentes

    Bravo! I will print this for my three-year-old, who needs a few pointers.

  • anna lisa

    Looks like he’s taking matters into his own hands Mom. I would put my money on the fact that he’s had to deal with the aftermath of unskilled pooping–and there’s Mom lookin’ at her laptop again. Nobody got time for that.

  • LOL wow — this is just the best. Future blogger no doubt. 😉

  • richard

    Just a passing phase.

  • Matthew

    This is the funniest thing I have ever seen in my entire life.

  • Blobee

    I notice he left the light on. Figures—he’s a guy. 🙂

  • bob cratchit

    there this tee-shirt my daughter told me about. Shows the silhouette of a man with his arms raised in victory and the caption, “I pooped!”

  • Bill Burns

    I think he has a career as a technical writer in his future. I’ve certainly read worse instructions.