Let’s play Boots or Shakespeare, Catholic style!

Let’s play Boots or Shakespeare, Catholic style! June 12, 2015

exploding head 1


My FB friend Jeni Wilmot suggested a topic for Mark Shea’s radio show, which I co-host on Mondays (podcasts here). It didn’t make it on the show, but it was a brilliant idea: Catholic Would You Rather.

In college, we used to call this game “Boots or Shakespeare.” It started out easy: Coke or Pepsi? Swimming or skiing? and progressed onto harder choices: Would you rather be deaf or blind? Frozen or burned? Always lonely or never, ever alone?—the idea being that your choices were mutually and permanently exclusive. Once you chose one, the other was off limits for good.

The choices were also supposed to be sort of existential opposites of each other, but I guess I’ve gotten dumber since I left college, because I can’t think of any good examples. Anyway, I knew I had won when my friend James would make the “ouch, my head just exploded” gesture.

Here are a few Catholic Style Boots or Shakespeare questions to get you started. Would you rather . . .

–be trapped in a broken elevator with an 18-year-old guy who just found out about The Fountainhead, or an 18-year-old guy who just found out about distributism?

–send your kids to a sex ed class designed by Commonweal, or one designed by The Most Holy Family Monastery?

–Go sweater vest shopping with Rick Santorum, or play strip poker with Joe Biden?

–worship with Mass of Creation by Marty Haugen sung by Maria Callas, or Mass in B Minor by Bach sung by Yoko Ono?

–argue about yoga with a mommy blogger, or ague about mommy blogging with Yogi Bear? Or a yogi? Or just eat some yogurt and nobody wants to argue with you at all?

I have the worst toothache, what do you want from my life. Anyway, tip of the iceberg, folks. Your turn!




Image via Getty




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  • KarenJo12

    Maria Callas could sing commercial jingles and the greatest hits of The Sex Pistols As Arranged By Nickleback and I’d buy it, so that ones easy. If you want a real reason, a good performer can ameliorate insipid material but a bad performer can ruin anything.

  • Emily Kimmel

    -Attend a class on Vatican II given by a borderline SSPXer, or attend a class on traditional liturgy given by a habit-less nun in a pantsuit?

    -Attend a traditional Latin mass with a grumpy screaming toddler, or attend mass with a music minister who REALLY loves Marty Hagan, tambourines, and old choir ladies who sing like cats by yourself?

  • anna lisa

    Just thinking about some of those scenarios makes me feel weary, and dirty.
    Now I know about Most Holy Family Monastery. Nooooooooo
    I wish I hadn’t clicked.
    Ehfing internet.

    • Bear Fact

      It’s hard to believe an American Adult can be scandalized by something so tame as Most Holy Family Monastery. Was it the lace tinctures?

      • anna lisa

        Googled lace tintures, than Googled lace tinctures at Holy Family Monastery. –Just don’t get it, or what their deal is. I bet they drink lots of catholic flavored Kool-Aid though.

        • None.

          No, Anna, the Dimond brothers simply profess the Catholic faith as it was taught for centuries on end. This is simply a historical onservation as opposed to a theological one. It may be that sedevacantism (or, one of its variants) is true, or, perhaps simple atheism is, ultimately, the truth. Either way, Francis is a “Pope” who can be safely ignored, as his so-called religion is almost certainly false.

  • None.

    At least the Dimond brothers are consistent in their faith, unlike the present Catholic Church hierarchy which equates sodomite sex as being a form of “Eucharistic love.”

    • MightyMighty1

      What? The Church does no such thing.

  • antigon

    Join the Marines only to discover your drill sergeant is a woman with a ding-dong, or move into a diocese with a bishop sans one.

  • Bear Fact

    Be buried in a vault of dilithium crystals, or have your lungs explode while being catapulted over the Pacific Ocean during a US Army Kim Jong Un slingshot test, due to the decompression effects of altitudinous acceleration