W.W.A.D.?

I want to see the Narnia movie.

The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe was the first "real" book — the first book with more words than pictures — I ever read. I remember finishing it and wanting to cry because it was over and I didn't want it to end. So I read it again, and again, and again. Over the years, I've read that book dozens of times, and I still love it. I still get to the end and don't want it to be over.

So I was excited when I first heard they were making a movie version. I downloaded all the online teasers and trailers and featurettes. It looked good. It looked right — almost Peter-Jackson right. I couldn't wait for December to arrive so I could see this movie.

I still haven't seen this movie.

I'd like to. It's playing right up the street, and I ought to be able to just head over there and see it.

But, as it turns out, we're not allowed to just go see this movie, because it's not just a movie. It's part of the Culture War, don't you know. Buying a ticket to this movie means casting a vote in the Culture War. Or at least that's how the Culture Warriors will spin ticket sales for this movie. The better the box office for Narnia, the more they will argue that the "persecuted" majority is justified in persecuting others.

I really don't want my $6 (matinee price) to be counted as a vote for the Culture Warriors — partly because the more their agenda succeeds, the fewer choices I will have the next time I go to the movies.

But the main reason I oppose these stupid Culture Warriors is because that's what Aslan would want me to do. After all, he's not a tame lion.

The Culture Warriors are legalistic, small-minded Telmarines, intent on driving all the beasts and magical creatures underground. We should tear down their bridges and their schools, turn their children into swine and celebrate their downfall with a raucous Bacchanalia. Maybe that sounds a little extreme, but it's what Aslan does to such people in the next book in the series, Prince Caspian.

I still want to see The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe though, so I guess I'll have to buy a ticket. Then I'll go see the Harry Potter flick, and maybe Brokeback Mountain. Twice. Just so my contribution to the box office isn't turned into some kind of weapon for the Telmarines.