That’s what they said

That’s what they said May 20, 2012

“This myth that slideshows are the path to salvation has got to be put into a rocket and sent hurtling into the sun.”

But what about the dolphin babies?

“My experience as a bully has been fundamental to the creation of my conscience, because it is what prevents me from making the basic human claim that I am a good person.”

“That this scenario describes fewer and fewer of us with each passing day is of little account.”

You are hereby granted permission to evolve on same-sex marriage.”

This is Richard Boyle, who makes his living in one of the most repugnant ways imaginable.

“While Americans across the board get the president’s religion wrong, the religious group that most often thinks Obama is Muslim is white evangelical Protestants.”

It’s a terrible thing to bear false witness.”

“In my opinion there is no reason for a festive Council Gala but rather for an honest service of penance or a funeral service.”

A Roman Catholic cardinal and his top aides lied to their lawyer about shredding a key piece of evidence in the Philadelphia clergy-abuse scandal, the lawyer testified Monday.”

“So if Chaput ‘cleaned up’ the Legionaries, but they never were really cleaned up, and if he’s now ‘cleaning up’ Philadelphia, what does this breaking news mean about the Philadelphia situation?”

“Cardinal Timothy Dolan has made defeating statute of limitations reform one of his top legislative priorities.”

“The church’s credibility in the eyes of many, many Catholics has become so thin you can practically see through it.”

“The nun’s firm but understated conviction about the need to simply do the right thing sent a ripple of excitement through courtroom spectators.”

“All bureaucracies are good at one thing: self-perpetuation. They may be good at other things, too, but the propagation of the gospel is not one of those.”

Faith as science or faith as politics is really just science and politics.”

“I can’t think of anything any politician ever has said that has denigrated the allegedly exalted status of ‘faith’ more than that.”

“Romney mentioned 19 people in his speech — all male.”

“I don’t think Mitt Romney is stupid. I do think Romney is operating from the assumption that voters are stupid.”

“More than two dozen faculty members have resigned from Shorter University, a Baptist school in Georgia, after it required them to sign a ‘personal lifestyle statement’ that condemns homosexuality, premarital sex and public drinking.”

“Philip Caminiti, pastor of Aleitheia Bible Church in Black Earth, Wisconsin, argued that his convictions on eight counts of conspiracy to commit child abuse violate his right to religious freedom.”

“Ominously, the shredding of Philadelphia’s public schools isn’t even news outside Philly.”

‘For a woman alone, there is much danger,’ said one female farm worker.”

“For lots of people, bankruptcy has been taken off the table as an option because of the severe fees involved.”

“Edifying anecdotal tales of the remarkable individuals who triumph against all odds are great to hear. But to take those tales and generalize, claiming ‘anyone can do the same if they just try hard enough’ is deceptive and harmful.”

The bill was favored by debt collectors, which buy delinquent accounts from banks and credit card companies for pennies on the dollar.”

Every schmucky right-wing man-led corporation is probably rushing to their lawyer’s office right now to figure which tenet of Scientology they can adopt in their articles of incorporation to keep women from being slut-whores and daring to use contraception.”

The Virgin Daughters

Equality is yet to be attained.”

“‘Holy crap,’ you’re saying, ‘if we have a law that awesome, surely come powerful constituency must be trying to screw it up!’ Right you are.”

“Romney hasn’t actually picked his VP candidate yet, but we can already say with near-100 percent certainly that it’ll be someone who’s skeptical about the climate crisis and doubts that it’s significantly driven by human activity.”

“If you devote your life to elephants, they might come to your funeral.”

“But it turns out the kids hadn’t been burned by the sun, he said; they had been chemically burned by all the acids in the water.”

“The Institute of Medicine refutes the idea that obesity is largely the result of a lack of willpower on the part of individuals.”

“If Canada proceeds, and we do nothing, it will be game over for the climate.”

“They are like islands in the sky, covered with low forests and shrublands that support a diversity of animals.”

Other things to be avoided, according to Jones: Krokus; Jimi Hendrix; Ouija boards; sex-education teachers whose mission is not to teach “but to convert you” to homosexuality; the “pro-homosexual” film Philadelphia; White Zombie; Kurt Cobain and River Phoenix; Larry Cramer [sic], the ‘homosexual and internationally known playwright;’ Tupac; Motley Crue; all religions that are not Christianity; Iron Maiden; ‘the rock group Piledriver.'”

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