Are You Raising a Quitter?

Motivating a Quitter

When a child wants to quit, sometimes it’s a matter of motivation to get the kid over a hump. Maybe he moved to a higher level in music and suddenly, the notes got much harder. Perhaps she aged up to a new sports team and the competition is fiercer. The reasons for a child to quit shouldn’t be because something is hard—that’s a question of motivation.

“It’s important to have conversations with your kids about the commitment level and time expectation for any new activity, whether it’s sports, learning a new instrument, or joining and after-school program. Those discussions help later on down the road, when practice gets tough, or the grind of a long, grueling sports season gets to be too much,” said Earnheardt. “But they also help later on in life, when you’re not there to guide them and encourage them to see a commitment through to the end.”

To help your child stay “motivated is often as simple as setting goals, and rewards for seeing a commitment through to the end,” said Earnheardt. Here are some more ideas from Tim Elmore, president of Growing Leaders.

Talk about the power of attitude and persistence. Talk repeatedly to your children from a young age about attitude and persistence. Underscore how valuable this trait is for success in life.

Turn the problem into a picture or a puzzle. Include model drawing as a teaching method. Children turn math problems into a picture. The graphic helps them by engaging both hemispheres of the brain.

Start with smaller problems. This allows the child to have a better chance of success and puts a win under his belt. It’s like weight lifting. Let them taste success so they can proceed to attain it on their own.

Share the “why” before the “what.” We often fail to inspire children because we don’t share the relevance of a problem. Reveal why a problem is important to understand before solving it.

When possible, place them in communities to work together. Kids learn best in communities, where they can solve problems in cooperation with peers. They often give up when they feel alone and inferior.

Make it a game or competition. Take advantage of the thrill that comes through turning problem-solving into a game. “Gamification” in education will be normal within ten years.

Reward hard work and delayed gratification. Remember, what gets rewarded gets repeated. Instead of rewarding mediocre effort, why not affirm hard work and actually reward completion in the end.

Other ways you can help your athlete preserve through a tough patch include using a sports journal and hiring a private coach. Sports journals helps kids “focus on what’s working and appreciate every victory, big and small,” said Moore. A private coach “can give your child immediate feedback that improves their performance. And when kids perform better, their confidence goes up—which totally supercharges their motivation.”

Overall, remember that kids do have off days, and that we should take into account more than just this particular moment if a kid complains about the commitment she made. “If it’s just a matter of the occasional bad day, but your child generally likes the activity, then that might be one you have them stick with,” said McBain. “However, if it’s day after day after day of whining and complaining, then this might be a sign that they would be better doing something else, or maybe taking a break all together and giving your child (and you!) some down time to relax and connect at home instead.”

To connect with Sarah and read more about raising kids, visit www.parentcoachnova.com.