Parenting ‘Mess’ Starts at Birth

Life isn’t neat and orderly but that only strengthens our family ties. Author Lori Wildenberg shares her insights about parenting and mothers from her new book, Messy Parenting.

Why title your book The Messy Life of Parenting: Powerful and Practical Ways to Strengthen Family Connections?
Lori: I love the title! New Hope Publishers perfectly named it, The Messy Life of Parenting. This title captures the message contained between the covers. Life is full of the unexpected, isn’t it? My life, my family’s life, has not unfolded in the ways I planned for or envisioned. I believe this experience is shared by most moms and dads. When we grasp the reality that life isn’t neat and orderly, we are able to be more effective in our parenting while strengthening family ties.

The subtitle Powerful and Practical Ways to Strengthen Family Connections lets parents know that by making a small tweak here and there and applying a few simply executed adjustments parents can set the stage for a lifetime of connection among family members—even when, especially when, life gets messy.

What about parenting is messy?
Lori: The mess really begins at the beginning, doesn’t it? Tom and I adopted our first baby, I did everything I needed to do to get the ball rolling. Despite my efforts, the process took two years. It was out of my hands. When we finally got Courtney, she was very sick. Circumstances and health issues can make parenting messy. As kids age, they will experience some disappointment or heartache. As loving parents ,we do our best to shield our kids from discomfort yet perhaps a better approach is to prepare them for challenges.

How can women find peace in the messiness of parenting?
Lori: A real full life is made up of things that make our children feel sad, afraid, frustrated and angry. Happiness is just one experience. When sin nature, a fallen world and free will are thrown into the parenting mix, we realize perfection is not to be attained. We are imperfect people raising imperfect people. We need to inoculate ourselves and our kids against the perfection infection by making room for the mess so we are able to walk through  the unexpected hand in hand. We find peace when we realize we cannot control everything. The God of the Universe loves our kids even more than we do. Peace comes with the hope that is generated by a deep trust in God and His plan for our kids.

Why do we think parenting should be tidy?
Lori: It seems logical. If we do things “right,” then our children should turn out as we expect or behave appropriately. We forget the humanness in our equation. If all was tidy and perfect, we wouldn’t need God. Nothing drops me to my knees faster than being a mom.

What do you hope women will internalize or change after reading your book?
Lori: As a society, I believe we have comingled the meaning of responsible and independent. My prayer is that moms will seek to raise their children with the philosophy of interdependence rather than the goal of independence. We want to raise responsible children who care for others, love the Lord, and ask and give help when needed. Most moms and dads hope to have a relationship with their children that lasts a lifetime.  God’s design for human interdependency is the vehicle to get us there.

About Lori Wildenberg
Lori Wildenberg, mom of four, is passionate about helping families build connections that last a lifetime. She’s co-founder of 1 Corinthians 13 Parenting ministry, lead mentor mom with the Moms Together Facebook Community, national speaker, and parent coach. Messy Parenting is Lori’s fifth parenting book. For more information, visit her online.