By guest blogger Anne Randerson
Like many of my colleagues, I offer online spiritual direction sessions, and each day, I realize how lucky I am to be able to work with directees living anywhere in the world. I also realize how fortunate I am to meet regularly with professionals who offer the same services as I do, even though I currently live in Belgium, and most of them reside in other countries.
Earlier this month, I was in an online meeting for spiritual directors. When the presenter placed us in breakout rooms, I found myself with two other like-minded souls. We had just finished introducing ourselves and were sharing our thoughts about the prompt that we had been given. Our answers reflected our unique backgrounds and experiences regarding religion, spirituality, and our distinctive ways of helping people as spiritual care providers.
When it was my turn to speak, I mentioned a particular sore spot in my past, which brought up some pain. In these online meetings between colleagues, we can sometimes find ourselves feeling vulnerable, especially when we don’t know the other participants. However, because we are spiritual directors and companions, we trust that what we say about ourselves in breakout rooms—in sacred, brave spaces—will remain confidential.
During this meeting, I felt safe, and deeply listened to. I began explaining a hurtful incident that I had experienced in my youth. Growing up in the USA as a young, queer woman, I had been searching for spiritual guidance in a society that wasn’t always accepting of people like me. Friends from the new church that I had been attending had called us “sinners,” which bruised my heart and soul. I ended up leaving that church.
And now, decades later, I was retelling this incident in the breakout room when, mid-sentence, I glanced up and saw a huge brownish orange spider (or was it a long-legged bug?) inching up the wall—right above my computer screen—while I was trying to express myself.
I cried, “Oh!” and my hand flew to my chest. I gulped and told my colleagues about the huge beast scaling my wall. I’d never seen something so ugly before, IN MY OFFICE, which I had vacuumed only two hours earlier.
One of the participants, a practitioner of Shamanic traditions, told me that this might be a sign from the Spirit: a Spirit Messenger. I took note of this, and when I stopped speaking, the bug, or spider—which was as long as my pinkie, if you included its legs—disappeared. Just like that. Gone.
The practitioner of Shamanic traditions advised me to ask the bug, or spider, what message it had for me—and really listen to its answer. And trust it. That sounded like a great idea. However, I couldn’t find the beast last night, or this morning.
So, while sitting at my computer, I reflected on the answers that I received. I spent twenty minutes meditating on this question. I’d asked the bug, or spider—the Spirit Messenger—what its message was for me. And during that time, I’d felt calm, peaceful… Almost joyous. And when I was done, I understood this unexpected message of Spirit—straight from the natural world to my office wall.
It was nudging me to meditate more, pray more, and trust our human species. Trust our human condition, no matter how flawed it seemed. And trust in our future, and the future of our planet, and all living beings. Somehow, all this mess will work itself out. And in the meantime, get ready to become a catalyst—and a deep listener—to take action and help others understand this important message of Spirit: help protect all beings on Earth, and our planet. For we are all deserving of safety, love, compassion, and kindness.
As a writer, spiritual director, and coach, I do my best to express what comes to me—in words, thoughts, and feelings. And not necessarily in that order. As humans, we don’t always recognize the messages that sweep through our heads, hearts, and bodies. We all know that feeling isn’t the same as thinking, or writing. Yet they are interconnected.
I am an interfaith spiritual director who enjoys working with people from all backgrounds, and spiritual and religious traditions. I am very open and affirming of the LGBTQIA+ community and folks who are neurodivergent. I often immerse myself in nature to find peace, and solace; and sometimes, nature comes to me. Like yesterday.
To conclude, I plan to follow the gentle advice from the unexpected Spirit Messenger. Now that I know it’s harmless, I’ll keep checking my walls, and under my desk, in case I get another visit today.
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Anne Randerson, Ph.D. is an author and interfaith spiritual director who graduated from the Phoenix Center for Spiritual Direction Apprentice Training Program in January, 2024. This essay was first published on her website (URL below). Anne is currently accepting new spiritual direction clients and welcomes seekers from all backgrounds and traditions. She is multilingual, multicultural, and open and affirming of the LGBTQIA+ community. Based in Belgium, she meets with clients virtually and in person. For more information, please visit Anne’s SDI profile at https://www.sdicompanions.
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