The psychological term transference is a concept that spiritual directors need to know and understand in order to not be derailed by it. It’s the natural, to-be-expected process by which a person seeking help in a direction relationship (or any helping relationship) transfers his or her own feelings, thoughts, impulses and fantasies about a person from one’s past (feelings not fully resolved) to the spiritual director.  The directee in the midst of transference is not aware that he or... Read more

Spiritual directors must be clear about limits. Boundaries are important for everyone, but for those of us in the helping professions, they are crucial. It is most important that the spiritual director know within himself or herself where those boundaries are set. A boundary is an external limit placed on a person, object, space or area. It determines how distant or close we become to another person. All human beings get to decide where we set our limits, our boundaries.... Read more

Because good spiritual directors do a lot of listening and very little personal sharing in a session, we sometimes become a target for other people’s projections of anxious thoughts and feelings.  Projection is a psychology term for a defense mechanism people use against their anxiety.  A common example of projection is when I am internally angry at the actions of another person but instead of “owning” my anger, I accuse the other person of acting out in anger. It’s a... Read more

All spiritual directors need to be in a supervision relationship. If you are doing regular spiritual direction with anyone, you need to meet on a periodic basis with an experienced spiritual director who can assist you in taking a look at what goes on inside of you as you do this work. This supervisor should be someone other than your current spiritual director or therapist. He or she may have special training in supervision (some spiritual direction training programs incorporate... Read more

Don’t even think about becoming a spiritual director if you are not willing to be diligent about self-care. Once you begin to hold space for other people’s spiritual questions, challenges, pain and bliss, you will notice how much you need additional time for prayer, processing and play in your own life. If you don’t become wise about how much rest and reflection time you need, you can easily become emotionally overwhelmed. So here’s what I recommend for every spiritual director... Read more

This is for those of you thinking of becoming spiritual directors but who dislike the title “spiritual director” because the verb “to direct” can imply that you have answers and are directing another person toward certain answers.  Don’t get too hung up about that one word–direct. At best, spiritual directors are directing another person’s attention to an event, emotion or situation that may hold clues about where God is speaking or leading that person. So if you are holding back... Read more

Perhaps you have been reading Spiritual Direction 101 and have been wondering if you are—or could be—a spiritual director. You’ve read that training is important, advisable and enriching but since the profession is not “professionalized” (no standardized certification) training is not mandatory. You’ve read that some people fall into this work by nature of their other ministries—clergy, nuns and chaplains, for example. Others develop a sense of call over many years. Part of discerning your call to spiritual direction gets... Read more

One of the hardest spiritual practices in life is accepting that which we cannot change. Even in the case of events and situations that we can change, the practice of radical acceptance helps us find the patience we need while discerning and making the change. The term “radical acceptance” is used by many Buddhists to refer to the practice of sitting with your situation—just as it is–and feeling your emotions–just as they are–for a period of time. The interesting thing... Read more

A body prayer is any prayer that incorporates movement. It can be as simple as taking a walk with the intention that your every step be a prayer. The most popular form of body prayer today is yoga. Combining breath and movement with the intention of connecting with the source of life is a powerful form of prayer. Spiritual directors frequently suggest body prayers for people who are particularly drawn to kinesthetic experience. If someone tells me they pray best... Read more