Sometimes the blind stay blind, and I can’t explain why this is. I have no answer for why you don’t get the miracle you need. I understand even less why some don’t get what they need and others get everything they want. I don’t understand why God remains silent when you hang on the cross. I don’t know why we hang on this cross at all. I know that the Savior came to be nailed with us here, but I don’t know why we feel His presence so rarely. I won’t cheapen the mystery with a hackneyed, foolish answer. It isn’t fair. It can’t be right. It’s not a test of faith some take and others don’t, not as we understand testing. We are given more than we can handle. We all are. Life will kill every one of us, but first it will hurt. And it hurts some far more than others, and that isn’t fair.
But I do know of a deeper mystery. There are many records of Christ working miracles; there is also a record of a time He refused to work miracles.
Satan commanded Christ to turn stones into bread, and He did not. But He did plant a grain of wheat in the darkness behind the stones, and the grain of wheat died in agony. After it died, it sprouted, and yielded fruit a hundredfold. Then the fruit was ground into dust and made into bread, a small amount of bread that fed a multitude with plenty to spare. And then, the miracle of miracles. Let all mortal flesh keep silence. Then the Bread of Heaven is given to the worst of sinners. You and I receive it, and you and I become the Body of Christ. And we suffer and die as Christ suffered and died, but our suffering has meaning because it is Christ’s suffering.
Satan then commanded Christ to throw Himself off of the temple, daring the angels to catch Him, and He did not. But He did remain with us until we cast Him out of our city; we killed Him and cast Him away, and He descended much farther than the distance between the temple and the earth. He descended into hell, into deepest darkness, and all seemed lost. And then, the miracle of miracles. Let the angels and archangels tremble at the mystery. He rose from the dead. And we who eat the Bread of Life and become the Body of Christ; in this life we descend into darkness, but in the end we will rise with Him.
Satan finally commanded Christ to bow and worship him, in exchange for all the nations of the world. Christ, who loved the nations and longed for them to follow Him, refused, and Satan left Him for a time. Then, the Miracle of Miracles. Let the Seraphim cover their eyes and sing the thrice-holy hymn. He came out of the desert and gathered the worst of sinners to Himself, and we the worst of sinners became the Body of Christ. We go out into the world and bring the nations in to Him. Through our intercession, through our works of mercy, through our witness, through our testimony, through our endurance in the suffering that is evil and unjust, through our casting ourselves into the Father’s hands when we can endure no more, we bring the nations to Him.
I don’t understand that mystery. Frankly, part of me can’t stand this mystery. But I accept it in the name of the Father who holds all things. I pray He hears our cries and sends the miracles we long for. I pray that if He doesn’t, He will make another way. God is good, all the time. Even in this hour of darkness, God is good.
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